I know everyone talks about Plan "A"ing, but what do you do when being around your spouse causes you to be so depressed that you cant even go to work the next day? I am taking meds but the few times i have contacted her to discuss business i have felt like crap the next day, usually for 2 days.<BR>Not only that. but i know a few ppl on here have told me not to sign any papers. but I did anyway. So from what i know we will be divorced soon. Has anyone been that far and still saved the marriage. Or am i too late?<BR>She told me she has NO intention on avoiding the OM.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

BioMan - are these meds anti-depressants? If so, how long have you been on them? It takes 4 - 6 weeks to get the full benefit, plus you may need to be ramped up in dose. Please talk to your doc. Until you get this under control, don't contact her and, as hard as it may seem, try to distract yourself. Believe me, I know how hard it is.<P>WAT

Yes they are anti-depressants. I started prozac in december, and that was not a good experience. So they put me on Zoloft, i have been on it for about 3 months. Zoloft helps alot, but I still have times when i get depressed, not like i want to die or anything.. just really depressed. and no matter what i take, i cant talk to or see her.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Bio, no it's never too late. <BR>But first things first I guess, you have to keep on those meds until they really start working and you can feel a little more positive.<BR>I believe that by feeling positive it's easier to achieve positive results.<BR>It worked with me, during the whole affair I did my best to act and think as if there was no doubt in my heart and mind that we would be able to work the mess out. Even when things looked so bad there seemed to be no way out.<BR>ANd you know what? We're getting close to the third year after the affair. ANd we're together and having the best time of our lives.<BR>NEver give up, my friend.<BR>Hugs<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Each and everyone of us is deserving of a gentle thougth, a kind word and the gift of understanding"

OK, I understand. I'm on zoloft, too. 100 mg/day since last Sept. Wish I could take you out for a beer.<P>One strategy that has helped me is to convince myself that I should not take my wife's affair personally. Yup, I contributed to the environment that led to it, but she made the bad decision and it is not a reflection on me. Play the hero instead of the victim. I know you feel like crap right now, but in the end, you will come out on top. Don't know what the end will be, but you are on the moral high ground and she's in the gutter. It will all catch up to her in the end. <P>I understand if you can't distract yourself. If you can't get your mind off it, at least do some research about it. Read everything you can get your hands on about infidelity. In addition to the Harley's stuff, check out Private Lies, by Pittman. Maybe you've already done this. For me, knowledge is power. I am absolutely certain I know more about what is going on inside my wife's head than she does. Can it help end the affair - no, we can't do that, but there's a certain feeling of being in control you can gain from understanding the disease. At least for me there is.<P>Take it day-to-day and don't give up.<P>WAT

thanks for the encouragment. I do read everything. Its kind of funny, since this has happened(the depression and divorce) i have gotten quite a collection of books. Lots of recovery books, anger managment, depression, divorce, marriage books, and infidelitly books. Knowledge is power, and i do agree i think i know more about what is going on in my wifes mind then she does. She has a college degree also, yet she doesnt read as much as i do, and certainly not the type of stuff i do. I could probally teach a class in it now LOL.<BR>Everything is still fresh in my mind, that is what is so hard. Im sure in time things will get better, coming here make a world of difference. <BR>If you want a good book, get "Rebuilding-when your relationship ends" by Dr. Bruce Fisher and Dr. Robert Alberti.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.