W (WS) still says she loves me. Says she is thinking about me. She claims no contact in over three weeks. She has been out of the house for a month. <P>I am very frustrated that I have not seen any of the fog lift yet. She comes to our house but doesn’t stay very long. She says part of the reason for short visits is the guilt she feels. <P>She still says she cannot commit to our marriage 100%. Will she ever?<P>We e-mail and we talk on the phone. She says don’t push and don’t rush stuff, but I feel like I am so impatient. Yet I realize that it will do no good for her to come home without 100% commitment. <P>Even then it will be hard ‘cause I have yet to deal with a lot of the stuff I need to deal with. Reasons for the A, my anger, resentment, issues of trust etc. <P>So why do I want her to come back if I have all that to deal with? I guess ’cause I love her and feel my life will be better with her than without her. I wish she would come to the same realization.<P>Any suggestions about how to keep plugging along? <P>Isn’t it especially hard for the BS left at home with the photographs and memories? <P>Thanks for letting me rant a little. <BR>

Elad,<P>Have you started dealing with what you need to deal with? You need to begin on learning new marital behaviors, and now's as good a time to start as any.<P>I'd suggest that you work on the Harley material, starting with the elimination of lovebusters. Buy the book (from the bookstore here), along with Give and Take, and His Needs/Her Needs (and Surviving an Affair, to help you recognize the signs and process of dealing with an affair).<P>I'd also suggest that you start counseling with Steve or Jenn Harley (appointments are 888-639-1639). They're terrific counselors, and can help you put an effective Plan A in place. This will help demonstrate to your wife that the marriage can be a safe place for her to return.

No good way to survive, but to put it in God's hands. We are not in control of anything or anyone. They have to choose to come back as they chose to leave to someone else. I have learned the hard way and am still having problems with the separation especially after 19 years of marriage and not to talk to them but once in 2 months. But God is showing me that he is all I really need, and as time goes one, I like being by myself, I don't really think that I could accept my WS back as he has done so much terrible damage to me and my kids. I pity him most of the time and am still angry at him too, but he has to live with his own decisions and I can move on without him, I and you we really don't have any other choice. God is the only person who knows how this comes out and I am trusting God that he knows the best for me. Hope this helps! Just read some good books, and keep on this message board. It helps me so much!

Hi Elad:<P>Sometimes we really do have to except that things do that time to work themselves out...and at times all we can do is wait. The signs from your wife are still positive...encourage her by being patient as she asks...after all it's really all you can do...so why not do as she asks.<P>Now this is all predicated on her not just wanting more time to decide between OP and you...and only you can be the judge of her motives....but if you think she is sincere...give her the time she wants....after all in the scheme of things 3 weeks is not a long time.<P>You can continue to Plan A her when able...this will give her even more reason to come back...use this time to concentrate on what went wrong with your marriage...come here and read....read the books recommended...it will be time well spent and will make you feel like you are working on an objective and acheiving a purpose. AFter all you yourself said you had issue to work on...now's the time.<P>Faye