On my Not Guilty thread, several have commented that I should move back in. First of all, I didn't want to be out. It was in her words, the only way she was willing to try to make things work. She HAD to have her space - I was suffocating her. When I have tried to tell her that I was moving back she has said she was filing. Is that really a right move if there's a chance that she hasn't filed?

my advice is if you try and push some one they only run away from you faster. It is your decision, only you know how she would react. Do you really think that doing things to make her uncomfortable with make her love you again and come running back?<BR>This is just my opinion. <P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Move back in?<P>In a word: yes.<P>When someone says they need their space, it is usually to be with someone else.<P>Wisdom gained from being on these boards for the last 18 months...<P>Don't make it easy for her. That's JUST MY OPINION.

another good idea is to talk to your couseler about it, they know you better than anyone on here. and they know your situation better. they may be able to give you a different persective on it.<P>Good Luck<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

your replies are exactly the debate going on in my head. of course my attorney says yes move back. but she has also asked why i am not the one filing. i am trying to follow my heart. i know that the space is giving her easier opportunity to communicate with OM. her mom, who has been my supporter, says I need to be out as well. <P>In fact one of the biggest problems (for my wife) is the threat of me moving back in. It doesn't matter, the house is only a rental house. We were starting to building a new house just before it this all started and were renting. Lease is up in June. She's moving in with a divorced girlfriend with her 2 kids and our 4. Nice arrangement, eh?<P>Anyway, I go back and forth on the moving back issue. Everytime I get mad I tell her I'm moving back and she says that she's filing. This past weekend I was over there and refused to leave and she threatened at least 6 times that she was going to call the police, but didn't. I pay for all the rent, utilities, bills, the suburban payment (WHICH SHE DRIVES), everything, AND I give her $500 every two weeks for groceries. When I said how about $400, she said it cost more than that. I asked her to show me receipts and she hit the roof. This is after she spent $150 with my check book for clothes for herself.<P>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited April 24, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited April 24, 2001).]

Dog gone it I'm posting again. And yesterday I promised I was going to stop.<P>I am so confused right now. I am getting all sorts of conflicting advice.<P>Do I stay out or move back?<BR>Do I confront her or do I ignore today's findings?<BR>Do I file or wait for her to file?<BR>Do I take tough love approach or not?<BR>Do I take Plan A approach?<P>I don't know what to do right now. But I want to do the best thing. I want to save my marriage.

Have you talked to your lawyer about her moving in with the friend, and the total of 6 kids living together? Not a good situation. I would think this wouldn't go over big in the courts, but I don't know enough about it.<P>In some states, you cannot be forced out of your house unless there is abuse. So, her threatening to call the police might be futile. Also, don't be afraid of this "I'm filing" crap. Do what you think is right in any situation, and don't worry about that. She has not yet seen any reality, and it is too easy for her now.<P>What about a separation agreement. Have you started one yet. Are you paying her more than what you would have to if you did a separation agreement. If so, hurry up and get one. It isn't a divorce. Just an agreement on how things will be when separated. She needs to feel the crunch from what you have wrote. Look into that, and if you are paying too much, make it realistic and see how she does.<P>Someone else better comment, because I'd stick with wanting to see receipts, but that is an LB....anyone else have any thoughts on that? The important thing is to get an agreement in place and make sure you are not paying for more than you have to.<P>

Rick,<BR>My attorney actually said that doesn't sound too good (the 6 kids, 2 women in one house thing). As for the receipts and the putting the crunch on her part, head says do it but my heart says don't. I'm afraid that she will go ahead and file (if she hasn't already because of my threats when angry).