How do i overcome the hurt and anger? I love my husband but i am not in love with him. everytime I look at him I see nothing but the pain and humiliation he caused me. my triggers are many and frequent. however i keep them to myself.. i have read the post on how to deal with triggers etc.. but nothing seems to work for me. Its been 7 months since Dday. Hs EA was a feww weeks long. th pain it seems will last forever.<BR>any help, recomendations, advice. is and always will be appreciated<P>------------------<BR>"The human Heart is often the victim of the sensations of the moment; Success intoxicates it to presumption and disappointment defects and terrifies it."<BR>~~Valney~~

Well, writting helped me. I wrote letters to my husband (never gave them to him) and poured out all my pain and anger onto paper. Are you two in counseling? That might help resolve some of this for you. <P>I also prayed and made like a pact with myself, that I lived a good marriage even if he was not faithful and knew that I would find out, eventually, if he cheated again. <P>You might want to post to help ease the pain. Take care...

Time, time and more time.

H will not do "SHRINKS" so thats out...... he only posted here once to ask a Q about the OW. NICE..... Ive been posting here under 2 different names (to avoid my OW) for about 7 months now . andi noticed that i tend to bable alot while posting and in such my poiint doesnt get across and i dont get many relpies cause my post dont make sense. lol<BR>so i post when im calm and thats it. i will definately ry the letter writing thanks for the advice<P>

Okay this may sound bizarre and wrong and contrary to other advice but it worked for me. If he's willing to talk, ask questions. My H. was. I know of six one-night-stands, and I wanted every single detail. I mean every nasty, intimate, gory detail about these skanky women who would have one-night-stands with a guy they knew was married. We've gone through three of them so far. <P>It's given me a sense of ownership of these events. It's made me feel like he's in a sense, cheating on THEM, causing THEM a little bit of humiliation. (Would they have had sex with him if they knew that he would someday tell his wife about the size of their nipples or the color of their underwear?) It doesn't make things better between me and WS, but it does make me feel like I have something over the sluts. And this in turn leads me to believe I will recover someday, whether or not the marriage does. <P>The three we've discussed aren't issues anymore. There are a few triggers, but they aren't as powerful as they were before, nor as frequent. Now, onto the next three!<P>

Hi Oncebetrayed,<P>You have experienced a loss of love for your husband. The love will not just return on its own. It does take time for the hurt to lessen, but it will take a real willingness to get the love back. Both of you will have to actively seek to regain the love you have both lost.<P>My husband and I tried to do it on our own, and we couldn't. We turned to Steve Harley for help, and we got it. Steve worked with us to form a plan to stop the loss of love and regain the feelings for each other. He helped us find a way to build a new live and love together. I highly recommend it.<P>How do I love my husband again? With ALL of my heart, and the help of Steve Harley!<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint

Thank you for the advice......<BR>SNOW.. i know as much as i want to about his EA anything new i discover puts 3 steps back... but in any case i do have something over on her...... i have my husband and she doesnt<BR>thati guess is a plus.<BR>Pepermint.<BR>H doesnt know how i feel and crazily i dont want to hurt him by telling him. nor are we in a position to afford steve harley services at this point with a small baby and oneon the way.<BR>Gues si was posting hoping for a miricle....<BR>Love to All<P>------------------<BR>"The human Heart is often the victim of the sensations of the moment; Success intoxicates it to presumption and disappointment defects and terrifies it."<BR>~~Valney~~

Oncebetrayed,<BR>I think if you want to heal from this you need to share ALL of your feelings with your H. You can't keep any of this hurt inside or it will just fester and eat you alive. Luckily, my H has opened up quite alot since DD 4mths ago. I gave him the opportunity to be honest with me or I was packing up the kids and leaving. I told him if he was completely honest then I would try to work through this with him. So here I am....mostly on the recovery board and occasionally on general ?'s. The hurt and pain are still very fresh and the triggers really suck because it's every day, but the thing that is helping me is to tell my H when I get a thought that's making me depressed and he "talks" me out of it. He answers any question I have, reassures me of his love, apologizes for his mistake, etc. We have been seeing a counselor since Jan. and the best thing that we are getting out of it is learning to speak to eachother openly and honestly. Since you said you can't afford counseling, try to come to this site everyday and read, read, read. The advice from here has been invaluable for me. I wish you the best in your recovery.<BR>

Best advice I can give is to pray to see your H through loving eyes.<P>It also helps me to try to do special things to make H happy. This in turn makes me proud to be a good wife. Appreciated if he notices. I know I'm trying. This usually makes me see the good side of him and generates more love.