OK, folks, a stupid Plan B question...<P>How does one handle special occasions (b-days, mother's day, etc) while in Plan B?<P>Specifically, I assume that for Mother's day, I can make something for my W "from the kids". Fine, that's easy.<P>Now, how about my B-day? What if she wants to get me a present? <P>What about her B-day? If I don't get her anything, it's a de facto LB; if I do get her something, isn't that inconsistent with Plan B?<P>What about things like Christmas, etc?<P>Any thoughts?<P>Thanks,<P>AGG

AGG,<P>It depends on what you want to do. You have the children through which you can send a present if you want to. It doesn't require contact, but it does say you care. Remember the Plan B is about protecting yourself, but it doesn't mean you cannot give something.<P>How are things going in general?<P>God Bless,<P>JL

I'd probably do the kids thing, but not get a present for her b-day. That is just me, and I'm not in Plan B, as you know. De facto LB might be true. Tough call.<P>I echo JL on the how is it going in general question. Any response ever received from her after you letter?

Hi AGG,<P>I say for Mother's Day, help the kids do something, don't do it for them....unless they are too small and then nevermind.<P>For birthdays...if she gets you something...fine, tell her thank you.<P>I wouldn't get her anything, but that's me. And I'm in Plan B too...or beyond Plan B...or whatever. It could be considered a LB to not talk to her too, not to chit-chat, not to do whatever, but you are in Plan B. Plan B has specifice "guidelines" that need to be adhered to for it to be a real Plan B. If you see her that specific day or have to talk to her, wish her happy birthday. But otherwise, stick to the "no contact" rule. <P>How she acts is not your concern right now...Plan B is.<P>Just my opinion....<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>

AGG - I tend to agree with Mrs. O. Although I'm not there yet (maybe close), her's is the approach I would initially adopt. But one size does not fit all.<P>Continued good wishes for you,<BR>Dave

Hi JL, Rick, Mrs. O, and Dave!<P>Thanks for your suggestions. I agree with you all; I'll help the kids make a Mother's Day present for her (they're 4 and 6, so they need help), I'll accept any present that I may get from her, and (big gulp) I will probably not give her a present for her B-day. <P>Just for background, the reason I am so concerned about this issue is that gifts have always been one of her primary love languages, while I did not give or receive love through gifts. So I was always accused of being "not needy" (I'm still not sure I see anything wrong with that), and I probably tended to "underdo" her special days. I went overboard during my Plan A, so I think the foundation has been laid for her to see that I CAN give her nice gifts. But I can also see that if I now ignore her special days, she'll decide that the Plan A was an act. But, I AM in Plan B, so I think the no-gift approach is the way to go.<P>Regarding your other questions, my Plan B is going great. She never gave me the "rebuttal" letter, which is good, because I didn't want to deal with her fog. Either she never found the time to write one, or she saw how stupid her arguments were, I dunno. All I do know is that I am incredibly relieved to not have to deal with her daily antics, visits, etc. I am focusing on myself and on my kids, and I really like not having to deal with the lunatic. <P>I also see that in Plan B I am finally getting the ability to look at things from a more global perspective, because I am no longer involved in daily interactions with her. And I believe that this helps me think more clearly. Unfortunately, all I see is how unnecessary this whole fiasco was. Today is our 6 yo's B-day, and as I reminisce about her short life, I can't help but remember the day she was born, and how that was one of the happiest days of my life. And then I try to understand why my W "had" to throw it all away, and in effect to cut my time with my children in half, and the only answer I can come up with is that she is a selfish b*tch. Not very MB of me, but c'est la vie... <P>AGG

AGG,<P>Thanks for the update. Glad you got the birthday and mothers day issues sorted out. I usually only go to GQII, but since your Plan B, I sometimes check Emotional Needs to see if you have an update. There haven't been many lately!<P>Even though I'm not in Plan B, I find that lately, I haven't had as much contact with my wife, and the lack of hassles has been peaceful. I'd be curious to know if you ever have an opinion of whether your Plan B helps maintain the level of love for your wife. <P>I'm in a bit of a limbo. I don't feel alot of love, I like not hearing from her because that means no hassles, but I guess I'm dangerously close to emptying the bank. Keep us posted on your experience with Plan B and its effects on your situation.<P>Continued best wishes.<BR>

AGG,<BR>You seem to be doing very good. Glad to see a post here from you. I wondered if you forgot the web address?<BR>d2