delete<p>[This message has been edited by vernon3 (edited May 15, 2001).]

vernon<BR>How old is your daughter? Did she tell you she read it?<P>My son read mine. I explained to him that the things I wrote were the worst version of my emotions....that I wrote them down to get them out of my system. I asked him to talk to me about his own feelings. He wanted me to have his dad read it so that he would see what I had gone through.<P>Why is your H angry? These were honest emotions and you needed to let them out somewhere. A journal is a good thing.

delete<p>[This message has been edited by vernon3 (edited May 15, 2001).]

Wait a minute Vernon - don't take the blame for this. Yup, the truth hurts sometimes. Your H needs to come clean with your daughter about the hurt he caused you. If he does it with love and remorse, it'll likely improve the whole situation.<P>WAT

Same thing happened with our 16-year-old daughter. She was snooping in my nightstand, still not sure why. We chose not to tell them during our first pseudo-recovery, but in a way it has been a relief to have it out in the open now. Of course, H was devastated for them to find out. But the girls have handled it very well. It doesn't seem to have adversely affected H's relationship with either of them.<P>------------------<BR>"Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:7

vernon:<P>I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, what's done is done and the way that you and your husband deal with it can either build love between the two of you, or bitterness. Choose to deal with the ramifications by using the POJA in discussing this with your daughter (if that's what you choose).<P>On the other hand, I'm very much against "journaling" for these types of reasons. If you find journaling therapeutic, then write---and destroy the writings. If you actually find that referring to the past helps you feel better about the present, then you really ought to be EXTREMELY careful where you store such personal thoughts. It's similar to leaving a loaded gun around the house---if you put stuff in there that you don't want others to have access to, safeguard it appropriately.

<BR>delete<p>[This message has been edited by vernon3 (edited May 15, 2001).]

I'm going to hide my journals and all my infidelity books tonight. <BR>Many thanks to all of you.<BR>Exxon

Now would be a good time to teach your daughter about each person's right to privacy. Let her know that she can come to you with her questions, but that it was wrong of her to be looking through your things. While it is good that you put things in context for her, also take the opportunity to let her know of your displeasure with her invading your privacy. Children must learn boundaries...don't give up the chance to teach where appropriate. Her behaviour was not appropriate and she should be told that too.

I had a very bad experience with my H reading my journals. This is what ultimately led to his A. He was avoiding sex with me because he believed, from my journal, that I still loved an old boyfriend from 20+ years ago. I was writing about the old bf, because I felt unwanted and remembered him as always being sexually attracted to me. <P>My H finally blew up at me about this last August, continued for 4 months then moved out and in with OW who was EA at the time and soon became PA. He moved back home after 4 months with her, was home for several weeks and has now taken off with her again. Last week he was raging at me again about the journals. His behavior is not justified by my mistake, but I wish I'd never written anything, especially anything hurtful to my H. I also wrote when I was angry at him, but never when things were going well. No need. But this was also very hurtful. So, K is probably right. No journaling. I'm even afraid to write anything here since he sometimes reads here too. <P>The problem is, what's a "safe" way to vent feelings. I thought journaling was safe, but I was very wrong.