In plan-A for 2 month now. Never feel so weak, so hopeless. In past couple days, there were some many times I just want to said- I am done. Hope to get some positve suport here, because deep in my heart I do want to hang on.<BR>This Monday, My WS want to move out, but he stayed. Tues, he had lunch with the OW and went out late that night(could be with her). Wensday, he canceled our lunch date, but he said you will have me whole night Wensday night. Well, we did went out for dinner last night, but not after he logged on for 2 hours after getting home. During the dinner, he said he will have to go to bed right away, he is so tired. At the some time, he is thinking about going to bed earlier every night, because he is not getting his 8 hours sleep.<BR>I did not say a thing against it( I did said that I know going out with me is not as fun as you had last night). But I was very upset, he have been hurting me every day of this week. He can always stay out late and lost his sleep on other people, but when it come to me I will have to understand. Not even mention that when I am away, he can work a 8 hours day and go out drink with her after work, go home and call me at 11 PM to lie to me about he is so tired and going to bed. Right after we hang up he will drive another 1/2 hour to F*** that B****.<BR>I guess I just have enough of it. But at the other hand, I know I should be greatful for he is still stay with me.<BR>From the D-day he want a D ASAP, he did not mention that for 3 weeks now. The new thing for him is moving out. He did agree to stay for a little bit longer and did go home to me every night. But at the same time I feel that evry time he come home is a punishment for me. I do Plan-A when he gets home, we do have some good time. But, in side of me is bleeding every min..<BR>Thinking how different he will act if is with the OW. How much he rather see the person he come home to is the Ow in stead of me. I am so down now.<BR>We will have to face each other every day after he come home. I know it is really unhealthy to our marriage if I keep acting so down in front of him. Just can not help it.<BR>After all the cheating and hurting, I do have MY RIGHT to be that way. Prey to God, please give some more strength and allow me to go on. <BR>Is it normal for what I feel right now ? Any body out there in plan-A with a similar feeling ? Tell me I am not ready to give up yet.

What you are going through is very difficult. Plan A until you just can't any longer. When your heart grows hard towards him, it is time for Plan B (for you).

Hi Trying,<P>Oh your feelings are very normal. It very hard to live with the knowlege that your spouse is cheating and continuing to cheat while he lives with you. I know alot of people on here say to keep them at home no matter what.I did that for a year after I knew of his affair and it was pretty soul killing for me. In hindsight I would have asked him to leave earlier instead of begging him to stay when he first wanted to leave. He satyed 4 months after that and I dont feel it really did any good. He left and didnt contact me for 6 months and I thought it was over, but now he has just moved back home and seems totally over OW. <P>Only you know what you an take, but there comes a point where you are just existing together, where you plan A is haveing no effect, where he is only focused on avoiding you, and I say what is the point? Let him go, stop clinging to him, let OW meet all his needs, You can plan A at a distance or go to plan B. You could suggest a trial seperation for him to see if he will be happier out of the house, and then you can continue to work on yourself, without the constant in your face of the affair.<P>Lora

<B>TTL2 -</B> As the others have said, what you are feeling is normal. Let me give you the "Reader's Digest" version of my story. W was involved in a 2-3 year EA with a co-worker that was physical once on April 8, 1999. She told me about it two days later. The EA continued until the middle of last year.<P>Within a week or so of D-day, W started saying she needed to be alone to "think about" things. This is WS language for "I want you away so I can spend time with OP". Finally we agreed that I would move into an apartment. As one would predict, she didn't use the time(4 months) to work on herself. When she wasn't on the phone with me or her family, she was on the phone with OM. After I moved back, I continued to try to get her to joint counseling. She kept refusing. I filed for D in Sep 1999. Her legal response to the D petition was to request joint counseling. We tried that, but it failed as she required that we use her personal therapist. Starting right after I filed, she started making noises about needing to move out for a while.<P>I was ready to go along with this, but she then insisted that she not have any rules. I asked if she intended to remain faithful during her "sabbatical" and her reply was that she couldn't guarantee it because she wanted no rules.<P>She rented an apartment in January of 2000, but resisted moving there. For some reason she couldn't pull the trigger. The whole time I tried to get her to joint therapy and she kept refusing. Finally after an argument on a Saturday morning in May 2000, I told her that as far as I was concerned, it was over and she was moving to the apartment the next day even if I had to move her myself. <P>We got her moved in the next day and after much crying on her part, she asked if I would spend the night with her. I decided I would. Well, over the next two months, she spent only about four weeks in the apartment. Every night she stayed, she asked me to come over and stay, which I did. She finally got to the point where she was tired of it and moved back. Her excuse was that it was a poor apartment with too many spiders, etc. However, she refused, even at my urging to find another.<P>Well, anyway, my point here is that I was mostly doing a Plan A thru that time. It was easier the first four or five months, but after that I could only make it two or three weeks before I would get tired and LB pretty bad. After the LB, it was back to Plan A.<P>For the most part, I was able to force myself to not think of OM when she and I were interacting. It was when I was alone that it really became a problem. I could go for days this way, but the thoughts about the affair would pile up until I would start asking questions which would lead to LB'ing on my part.<P>You need to find a way to keep from thinking about OW when you are together having a good time. Just concentrate on that. Remember that the object of Plan A is to create the positive changes in yourself that make staying married to you a very attractive option to your H. Try as hard as you can to eliminate the expression of how down you are when you are with H. He needs to see you as positive, happy and in control of yourself.<P>I have been very much where you are. I know exactly how you feel. You have every right to feel the way you do, but if you express this to your H, he may decide that he needs to be away from you to make himself feel better. No you are NOT ready to give up yet. It is tough for him to be there, but it would be a lot worse if he wasn't. You've made it this far, that means that you have a lot more strength than you realize. There are no guarantees that all this will work, but you are certainly greatly increasing the odds that it will.<P>Janie was right, if you feel your love for him slipping away, it is time to move out of Plan A and into Plan B or whatever is appropriate for you.<P>Hugs,<BR>--DeWayne--

You are not ready to give up yet. If he came to you tomorrow and said "it is over with OW", would you want to work on your marriage? If the answer is yes, then you are not ready to give up. All of us in these situations have to realize that they are like alcoholics, but they are addicted to the "love" they have found. We know from success stories on MB that these feelings go away, and they often wonder "what the heck have I done".<P>I don't think you are ready to give up...you are just feeling the things that all of us have felt when in your shoes. My wife lived with me and slept in the same bed for 5 months while being involved with OM. Maybe I'd do some things different if I had to do it again, but I know I did what I could to let her know I loved her and wanted our marriage.<P>You can do it.

Yes! I am NOT ready to give it up yet! As rick37 points out, if my WS comes to me and say "it is over with the OW", I will jump back to my marriage without second thought. <BR>Thank you all to let me know it is a normal period in paln-A. I think it is also a good point that Plan-A is not about the OW. I should try to force myself not to focus on the pain she is causeing me. After all, she already cause so much pain in my marriage, I will not give her any more power to stop my hard work.<BR>The weekend is here. It is time to get some more work done. Thank you all, without all your suport I will never able to go so far. Thank you.