I just had a realization as I'm coming up to the 1 year anniversary of DDay of my H's affair that I've been the OW! <BR>Many years ago, prior to meeting my H, an ex-boyfriend and I "Got Together" while his live-in partner was away taking a course. We were working together and then, well, basically had a one night stand and decided we wouldn't do that again!<BR>WOW! I can't believe it. At the time I didn't even think of the impact this would have on her, and I didn't think we really did anything wrong (at the time!!) They are still together to this day, and I doubt he ever told her.<BR>

Alberta,<BR>I too was once the OW. I met a customer where i worked and we started dating after we became physical the man told me he was married. However by this time i was in too deep emtionally to care. i figured what she doesnt know wont hurt her. The man never gave me any illusions about leaving his wife for me or anything like that. He also confided in me to a prior affair he had had and a child from this union of which his wife still does not know.<BR>However now being a BS and knowing the pain and agony of what affairs can do to a marriage i feel horrible and if i knew then what i know now i would have never had an affair with her husband.....She did eventually find out about me even though we live 4 states apart. and the man called saying he couldnt see me no more blah blah.....however he did not stop seeing me til a friend of mine stepped in and told him to stop playing head games with me. ... me and the mans wife have never met however she did call me once and say some aweful things to me which i retaliated with equally hurtful things.<BR>And now that i know what kind of hurt ive causedher and her family i would love to some how tell her im sorry for everything. I have even thought of writting her a letter but seeing as the affair was 3 almost 4 years ago im not sure it would be agood idea to dredge up the past for her. <BR>any comment on writing this letter would be appreciated .... but basically im replying to a post to let alberta know shes not alone.<BR> <P>------------------<BR>"The human Heart is often the victim of the sensations of the moment; Success intoxicates it to presumption and disappointment defects and terrifies it."<BR>~~Valney~~

My H's A was 2 1/2 years ago. He hasn't seen or heard from her since, but I would still love an apology from her, not to bash her or anything, I would just love a sincere apology and I do hope her marriage is well.

Thanks for the reply. In my case the OW did apologize to me, we had two long phonecalls immediately after DDay where she found out that my H had painted her a far bleaker situation of his marriage than it was. I think she was confused, desperate to find someone (she's a young widow with two small kids!) and chose to believe him when he told her his marriage was truly over.<BR>Mind you, she still met him knowing he was still married and that he hadn't spoken with me, so she can't be proclaimed entirely innocent...!<BR>But,I digress...<BR>I think the apology from you at this stage would be a double edged sword. I'm sure the BS would like to hear your remorse, but at the same time would dredge up a lot of stuff from the past that would cause her the pain all over again. I think leaving it alone is best. <BR>Take Care