Sheryl, Steve, and all,<P>I am learning a lot from this site and this forum and really appreciate your help, Sheryl and Steve!<P>No, I do not want a divorce. (Gee, maybe THAT is why I like this site so much!)<BR>Yes, I am angry about my husband's deception.<BR>Yes, I am very hurt that the OW is an ex-girlfriend of his and one that he never let go of in his heart.<BR>Yes, I have Biblical grounds for divorce.<P>BUT, I have three small children (one sleeping in my arms as I type) and I just want US back. <P>We have had problems from day one but never did anything about it. I let my own issues hurt the marriage and he did the same. We never tried marriage counseling. We just accepted it and rode the roller coaster of anger and love, love and anger. UNTIL he was fed up and met up with his ex. <P>As of now, tomorrow he is coming to see the kids (I left town when it came crashing down). I can tell that he is still in a fog as he talks to me on the phone about daily things and says the house is too quite. He has told me that he has had no contact with her and states that SHE is not what our problems are about. He wants to go to therapy on his own to figure out why he is so unhappy with himself that he has to lie so much. He still seems closed to marriage counseling. I have already begun therapy. (something I should have done a long time ago)<P>He cried on the phone to his sister today asking her what he should do to fix this. He told her that he doesn't know where to begin and misses the kids so much. I want to believe that he wants to "fix this" but why would he not share those words with me instead of her?<P>There is nothing like this pain to bring you to your knees before God! I have prayed over and over for God's strength. The only thing He has told me so far is not to file for divorce. I keep listening but this is all I am hearing. And it helps oh, so much to give it to HIM. <P>I have decided to try Plan A and make it work. I am reviewing the love busters and will avoid them at all costs this weekend. This is very hard as I am still just so mad!<P>Say a prayer for us and ... Thanks!

Dear Sonz,<P>There are some positive points in your post. Has your H cut off all contact with OW? The fact that he misses his children and wants to visit with them, is a good sign. <P>Let him visit with his family. He is confused and scared. This also is a good sign since he knows he needs assistance. <P>He is willing to go to counseling (individual or as as a couple) and he even can talk with his sister. These are positive steps. The road to recovery is long (depending on the attitude of the WS). But many have recovered from it. <P>Work with the counseling, use plan A as long as it is appropriate and continue to show love and affection to you family members. If it will help, there are emotional needs questionnaires available on this site. It was an eye opener for me to see what my ENs really were. <P>L.<P>

Orchid,<P>Thanks for your words.<P>The weekend went... okay. We had a nice Saturday with just us and the kids. All day long I kept reminding myself not to LOVE BUST. And I didnt UNTIL I found phone numbers on his cell phone and realized that he indeed is still speaking to her.<P>Long story short, he said:<P>**He is willing to cut things off with her and everyone from his "other" life because he wants to make us work. But he is not ready to do this yet.<BR>**He wants to go to therapy on his own for a while to work on his issues and then try therapy together.<BR>**He is going to look into the legalities of a legal seperation because he thinks it will protect his interests where the kids are concerned.<BR>**He says that at first he wanted her and then when he realized how much it would cost him, he realized it isn't worth it. <BR>**His kids' happiness is more important and worth trying one more time.<BR>**He feels that the affair is not our only issue and that I keep turing to that but we had major problems before and he wants that better.<BR>**He wants my help finding a counselor that will see us individually and together. (Possible?)<BR>**He wishes we could take the emotions out of this and be logical for once because us being emotional has never worked. <P>I told him that I wouldn't agree to a legal seperation because it it like saying "I want this to work BUT just in case it doesn't, I have a security blanket to fall back on." <P>So... I guess it went okay. The kids and I are going to return to the house in 10-12 days and he will stay elsewhere. <P>THANKS for your thoughts. It gets pretty frustrating at times because you just want to say, "Hey YOU are the one who broke your marriage vow to ME. YOU are the one who turned to another person and gave them what was meant for ME. Don't you see ?!!!" Oh, yeah, that would definitely be love busting, right?! I am learning, I am learning!<BR>

I meant to reply to this yesterday... I don't know what happened...<P>Just know that I *did* pray for you as I read this.<P>I'll be back tomorrow to see how you're doing... and so far it sounds like you're doing wonderfully well at your Plan A.<P>Hugs, Sheryl<BR>