As I was speaking with a dear friend today and I had an incredible thought. I would like to share that thought with you all.<P>The OP spends A LOT of time and energy pursuing our WS and in their relationship with our WS. If the OP used that time and energy and redirected it towards their marriage or towards something positive, there would be less As and Ds. If they only used that time and energy to do something constructive and not destructive (to the BS, WS, their spouses, their selves and others) the world would be a better place.<P>My dear friend, if I have left anything out, please let me know. We both thought that this was a powerful revelation.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you all!<P>Thanks for reading!<P>K<P><BR>

This post should also include our WS.<P><B>Never</B> stop dreaming or believing, good things will come our way!<P>K

K,<P>When my H's affair was in full swing he spent hours emailing, IMing, and thinking about the OW.<BR>It is all part of the fantasy and seeing each other in the best light.<BR>Think about when you and your spouse where first dating - the time and energy you spent on each other - in pursuit - trying to come off as the best possible. An affair is sooo much like a new relationship except it is amplified -due to fantasy that surrounds it.<BR>Yes I agree the people involved in affair should be focussing their time and energy on their respective marriages, but their selfishness takes over and when their ego is being stroked so effectively and the utter amazment at the "new relationship fellings" take over tehy become somebody who is indeed an alien.<BR>There are times still to this day when I wish My H would put the energy on me he placed on OW - but we live in the "Real World" with 3 kids and conflicting schedules, and bills to pay and ...(I could go on and on).<BR>I am happy now that he is focussed on the relationship and marriage again and we are working together to build the life that we had dreamed of in the beginning.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Well, I went over some cell phone statements and you are right. The amount of time they spent just talking on the cell phone was incredible. Compared to the time he spent with me on the cell phone, I don't talk to him that much in a year what she did in 1 month. 1 hour + many little minutes of calls everyday!!!! That is not counting the encounters and wild nights + the e-mail time. <P>Ok, enough. You are right K. Direct negative energy into positive energy. Here is your next assignment. How can this be done? Then the question after that is, how can this be done without draining our energy?<P>I am curious. Any takers?<P>L.<P><BR>