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Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 91
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Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 91 |
Hi everyone,<BR>I'm having a bad week. Two weeks ago my w agrees to talk to me about "us". Yesterday she tells me that she just started seeing someone and that the relationship has potential. <BR>Why is it that everything this man says seems to fill her love tank and make her weak at the knees, while all I have done for the past year seems to be making no impact. She says I'm in "suck up mode" and its not for real. I am sincere in my words and actions but she does'nt see it that way. What gives?
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798 |
It's so hard to deal with push/pull behavior like your wife's.<P>Depending on what your behavior was like before and how long & effectively you've been changing your behavior it can take months for her to notice and then believe a change. And, in my case, anytime I return to an old behavior it reinforces his belief "I'll never change". He also believes he'll never change, despite the fact that he is COMPLETELY different than he was 2 years ago.<P>It will be hard, if not impossible, for you to deposit in her lovebank if she's seeing someone new. Stay with Plan A behavior anyway, unless you think it is time for Plan B.
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758 |
Lor, you gave dead on straight advice.<P>Around my PMS time I tend to revert backwards. I almost totally destroys all the trust I've built back up with my betrayer spouse. It feels like 2 steps forward and 1 step back.<P>You just have to keep on keeping on. I am sorry your wife feels she needs to continue this relationship. Have you both decided to go to a counselor?
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Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 91
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Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 91 |
Thanks for your comments. I think ya'll are right. The reverting back to my old behavior is having more of a negative impact than I thought. I'm going to purpose from this moment foward to commit absolutely zero LB's. If nothing else it's building good character to try and love someone who is hurting you . Right?
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758 |
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