Why does WS get to break his vows, abandon his family for OW and THEN turn things around so that they are my fault? He does modestly take the blame for the affair, but THAT IS ALL. Do all WS's try to shift the blame? I don't see how they can live with themselves to begin with, but then to try to blame the BS for everything?

LWM, My H started doing this big time after a few weeks back home. Now I find out he's been seeing OW and yesterday he left with her and hasn't returned. I believe that the anger and blame directed at me is largely his guilt, especially now that I know what's been happening.

They have to blame someone & most of the WS sure are not going to blame themselves. <P>I am more than willing to admit that I left my WH open to temptation, that I wasn't meeting his ENs (never mind I had no idea some of this was important to him, he sure had never let me know). I will take the blame for everything that led to his A but he made the choice, and has kept making it for 2 yrs now. He has made the choice to keep lying & lying to me, it is his choice to go behind my back with things but yet he can't get over the angry he feels toward me. <P>It takes 2 people to make a great marriage; it takes 2 people to ruin a marriage.<BR>

Yes, after reading most posts on here and in my experience of husband of 19 yrs and a 13 mth affair, he never lied about anything, now everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. It is amazing the things he tells people about me and what a horrible wife I was for 19 years. Funny that he stayed here for 18 years. The thing that you will see if you are obedient to God's ways and just sit back and do the right thing, God will bring the truth out in a royal way. Don't use revenge or try to contact him or the OW, just let God take care of it, he has really brought so many things out and I haven't had to do a thing. Seems like every time My WH goes somewhere whether he is with her or alone or with a friend, seem like someone from our church has been there and confronted him, I love it. God really does come through and sometimes he has a sense of humor in the way he chooses to do it. SO relax, let him lie, lie, lie, because you will get the last laugh.

Because it diverts the attention from them and their guilt. Since we are not perfect then what better diversion than to shift the blame on someone else and who more convenient than the BS? <P>But here is a thought to remember. For every time they point the blame finger at us, there are at least 3 'blame fingers' pointing back at them. Hmmm..... That one helped me keep my sanity during the blame the W hiatus. <P>L.<P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Living with memories:<BR><B> Do all WS's try to shift the blame? I don't see how they can live with themselves to begin with, but then to try to blame the BS for everything?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It's universal. Shifting the blame is the only way they CAN live with themselves. It comes very early in the script they all follow.<P>WAT<P>

My WH shifted blame from the first affair all the way through to what he says was the last and then for another 8 months past dday #1. <P>It was at first all about me not meeting his superior sex drive (LOL LOL LOL!!!). Then it was me "hating him" (which is why I kept begging him to come home at night I suppose -- to torment him ). <P>It's all about rationalization, I think. What makes them feel good about themselves and makes it okay for them to have hurt you.