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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 3 |
Most of what I have read has been directed for the betrayed spouse on strategies for making the marriage work ie. meeting the unfaithful's spouse's needs. My husband had an affair with a co-worker, a one time sexual encounter. He told me immediately and is remorseful and wants me to stay with him and make the marriage work. He says she does not mean anything to him, doesn't even know what he saw in her. We have a new baby boy and I was preoccupied, sleep deprived, and unavailable. We went through in-vitro fertilization for the baby. This all sounds promising according to the literature. The problem is I am trying to understand and meet his needs but I feel like my needs are not being met now. I have started to think about finding another man. My husband has returned to the marriage like nothing has not happened. Yes, the sex has been great and I have tried to block out the thoughts of him with another woman. But I guess I am feeling like I want some happiness too. Is there anyone with these feelings and what is wrong with me? Please help me figure it out.
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 174
Member
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Member
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 174 |
You must have your needs met too. Is your husband unwilling to meet them? Many experts say it takes about 2 years to recover from an affair. You have to deal with the pain in order to move on successfully. Get counseling. Look for a church if you are not presently in one. God can comfort you like no other.
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 388
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 388 |
The answer is finding another man. You were terribly hurt by what your husband did to you. Do you want to do the same thing to him?<P>It is not clear by your post if you have made your needs known to your husband. Have you used the tools on this site and had some *real* communication about why the two of you find yourself in this situation? One can not expect the other party to know what is in your mind.<P>The literature on this site states that you can not expect your husband to meet your needs if he is in withdrawal or still seeing OP. Even though they do not see each other, there may be some degree of withdrawal going on here.<P>Another explanation is that he is ashamed of his behavior. It is difficult to open to another if you have done something to them that you are ashamed of.<P>Please read all you can on this site. DO NOT seek out another relationship.<P>This is probably the most work you will do in your life. Make your best effort. And then make some more effort.<P>Good Luck to you
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