4 those that dont know i am a mother of 4 and a wife of 9 years i havent been a very good wife ive had 4 Affairs in the time ive been married granted 2 were when i was 17 i know that doesnt make them ok but i know they were from a lack of maturity.note my H hasnt been an angel himself i thought of 4 inappropriate relaitionships he has had also.<BR>i have moved out almost a month ago. our D date is roughly the mid may area. i tried to fix things but just made him very angry at me. so ive decided to be civil. he has been seeing someone 4 a little while now and it just breaks my heart.ive tried to keep from making comments and asking questions about her, its been relly hard especially when he says he loves me still and has made love to me 4 times in the past 7 days , the last time being last night. he says he is just friends with this girl but my gut is screamig something else(i have been in his position before) im not stupid. i guess my question is i feel the need to just give up. and be his friend,at least til my heart heals,will it heal if he never knows how much i'm hurting? i also have the urge to call her at work at home or on her cell, and tell her whats been going on between paul and i but my brain kicks in and reminds me if i do that he WILL get angry and in turn my chances for my once happy family to be together again will be ruined by my own hand, again. so should i do as paul wishes and just be friends and hope it might turn into love again,in turn risking losing him to someone else. or should i just leave him and her alone to live happily together and spare my heart. please pray for me

You may want to see a counselor if you not already. You need to find out why you had 4 affairs. I'm not saying something is wrong with you, but you have to admitt 1 affair is one thing, but 4 is a little much. Believe me im not condeming you, everyone makes mistakes. I just think you may have some unresolved issues that you dont realize. and a counselor may help you through these so you dont have problems like this in another relationship. And i'm sure your husband has some problem to deal with too, but he has to do that on his own...just worry about you and your kids.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>2 were when i was 17 i know that doesnt make them ok but i know they were from a lack of maturity<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>So the other 2 were from maturity?<P>Why don’t you tell your h you have been doing lots of thinking & you want to discuss things with him before the divorce is final?<P>Don’t make excuses about anything which has happened. Don’t argue about stuff. Don;t beg & cry. Just tell him you guys have kids and the marriage/family is something worth discussing before the divorce gets too far along.<P>Don’t try to fix things (it’ll just get confrontational.0 Just let him know that things can be fixed with help & time.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

bioman&chris thanx 4 the advice i will look 4 a counseler thats a good idea. and chris the other two were just stupid mistakes i wish i could take back.got any advice about the girlfriend thing he has?

ready2change,<P>I think you are focusing on the wrong thing with the GF. She is the result of your affairs not the cause of the demise of your marriage. Yes, your H has chosen a poor way to end the marriage,but it seems from your previous posts he had filed for divorce.<P>I am not trying to excuse his affair. That is not the point. The point here is that you have no chance of getting him to reconsider the divorce if you try to shame or guilt him into it by throwing the OW into the mix. This woman is there because there is a hugh void in his life. This void was made by you. <P>I know you have given a brief history of the marriage, but on the other thread you said the last affair broke his heart. WHy that one and not the others? Is there something we should know in order to give you better advice?<P>R2C, I am sure your H doesn't trust you. I am sure he feels you haven't loved him in a long time. However, it seems from what little we know that he did love you through several affairs. <P>I doubt that you can change things much by mid May. Perhaps you can show him that there is hope for the marriage and he will postpone the proceedings. However, let us say that he doesn't.<P>I would strongly suggest that you become a good friend of his. You wouldn't be the first to remarry a spouse after all of the shouting was done. You marriage can be saved, but more importantly it is possible to start a new one on much better grounds. You need to take a good hard look at why you had the affairs. You need to make the changes necessary that will prevent you from doing this again. <P>Then it is a question of time. Let your heart heal, but also let your H's heart heal. This friend may be just that for I am sure he is looking for someone to confide in that he can trust. Right now you are not that person, but you could become that person. It will take time and patience on your part. I sense that patience is something you don't have a big supply of. It is time to develop some R2C.<P>By the way, why did you move out?<P><BR>Must go, but <P>God Bless,<P>JL