We haven't heard from you in a while...how are things?

Hi Dazed, Thanks for asking. I dont have time to post this AM, will write tonight, but Its pretty good. <P>Lora

Here is my update. How things can change in one month!<P>A month ago I wrote my plan B letter, found out H had taken OW to Hawaii, and was about to move into plan B with no regrets.<P>Then H came over for a date, he asked to move home and I said yes and told him what I needed from him and he agreed, said it was over with OW. That same night she showed up here to harass him about lieing to her and to fake apologize to me. <P>H started moving his stuff the next weekend and is now all moved back... so much stuff... we now have 2 or 4 of everything. He stayed here the first weekend and then went back to the apartment, but after the second weekend he has just been here.<P>It has been pretty good. He tells me he loves me. He changed his cell phone number. He gave me his code. He told me that she showed up at his apartment that night she was here and they had another huge fight and he even shoved her. She tracked him down at work and gave him some money she owed him and he told her he wanted to kill her that night. She said she realizes now that its over. He said finally , that he has been tring to tell her that for awhile... ya, trips to Hawaii say its over to me too. She told him that it probably wont be her H she turns to, that she has been unhappy for the 12 years of her marriage, and will probably find someone else. But it didnt seem to phase my H. He awknoledges that their affair started by going out after work and he sees how dangerous that is. We talked about being honast and open, about telling each other what is wrong. He says he doesnt want to bring up some things because he doesnt want to rub my face in the affair, but I told him I could handle hearing about the past and I didnt want to have him feel that he needed to shield me and hide things or not speak.<P>He has not yet called Jennifer. That is my next mission. I just felt like we needed to relax a little with each other before I started in on that. I am a little scared about continuing contact at work, but he really seems over her, and says he can avoid her there. He is so different than when in the affair. He says friends tell him he seems happier, and he does. We have done some fun things, are working on the intimancy. Now we need to work on the communication. <P>I feel like a load has been lifted too. I dont feel so stressed. I dont even feel the need to check up on him much because he is so open and accountable for his time. I have had some triggers, I am finding it a little different to have to cook again and have another person around... not as much computer time. I forgot how good it felt to have someone to share the house and yard stuff with. We are making plans, and it feels good. I cant believe it happened like it is supposed to, that their affair ended at the 2 year time frame. How differently things could have happened if I had not read marriage builders. <P>So thats my update, pretty long for me. <BR>Lora

Oh, Lora, I am so happy for you!!! I have happy feet, and it's freaking out my cats. It's been a long, hard road, and you have done so well!!<P>These dames are all the same, aren't they? *Sigh*<P>I don't know if you're up to it, but there's a newbie, screen name of "Paintbox" in the "Just Found Out" forum whose story is very similar to yours -- H had close "friendship", then confusion, and is just at the moving out stage. I think it would help her to hear your story, if you're up to helping someone else out.

Dazed,<P>Ya, my feet are pretty happy too, and some other parts I wont mention. Glad I made your cats move... if they are like mine they need all the exercise they can get. My cat seems a little put out to have to share the bed again.<P><BR>I will go to the just found out board and see what I can say.<P>

Lora, if there ever was a text-book example of the way MB principles can work I think your situation is it.<P>So many doubts through those long weeks of separation that this was ever going to work out....but here you are...together again. I think you're going to make it now...it won't be easy but you will make it. <P>Hey, you're a success story...enjoy it. <P><BR>Faye <p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited May 02, 2001).]

Buffy,<P>I dont think I am too comfortable in the role of sucess story yet. It scares me. But I do think his was a pretty textbook case for an affair. I am glad I was so well read, I feel like I know more about the dynamics of their relationship then he does.<P>Sometimes I feel it was precisely because I was ready to let go that he came back... weird.<BR>Lora

Lora, I am so glad to read of your progress!<P>How long was your husband involved with the - ugh - OW? And how long did it last after you found out?<P>Keep up the good work... I know that my cats would be really PO'd to have to share the bed again... someday...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Since when are having an H at home and the cat in the bed mutually exclusive? <P>One of our new kitties insists on sleeping right between us. This would be fine if she wasn't stuck in kitty-infancy and deciding to suck on my neck at 3 AM....<P>Faye is absolutely right, you have joined Lori (lostva) as a poster child for MB!

terri,<BR>I think they started going out 2/99, I discovered 8/99 he moved out 9/00. So it was not a quick thing.<P>Dazed,<BR>LOL, oh she is right there in the middle. But I think she likes it best when I get up in the morning and she gets to move to my side.<P>I always wanted to follow in Lostvas footsteps.<P>K, Ive been smileling alot too.<BR>Lora