Feeling better. Still depressed about marriage, but I don't feel guilty anymore. Its a huge relief. I know I have said it before, but I actually think its different now. I have taken the approach that my W has an addiction - an addiction to another person. And like all addictions, she does not recognize it for what it is. She is willing to give up everything to keep the addiction alive. Now what I have to do is wait until she recognizes her destructive behavior. If she never realizes it, there is nothing I can do. She told me the other night (before she said she will never talk to me again because of me telling her that I have proof of her A, but not telling her what the proof is) that she is filing for divorce (heard that more times than I can count now and every time I believe that this is the actual one). <P>I feel good about my approach. I feel awful about my marriage, but like I said, I don't feel guilty anymore.<P>I know that I have much more depression ahead of me (like when she actually files for divorce). I hope I can make it through it

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by sadandconfused:<BR><B> Now what I have to do is wait until she recognizes her destructive behavior. If she never realizes it, there is nothing I can do. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>S&C - not exactly!<P>Yes, you have to wait on her to come out of the fog, but you have to make whatever improvements you can in yourself and demonstrate the improvements! You also have to reassure her that you love her and are there for her when she needs you. You have to convince her that you have the strength for foregiveness and the resolve to work to make a better marriage than you had before. You have a lot to do than just sit back and wait.<P>WAT<P>

WAT,<P>You are absolutely right. I do understand what I need to do from my end. I guess what I meant was that I do not have control over her decision making process, and realizing that, along with not feeling guilty, seems to help me emotionally. I am definitely letting her know that I love and care for her and still have a desire to make our marriage work. At the same time, I am trying to show her that I am not the weak pathetic person that she thinks I am (ie the improvements in myself). I am being proactive but not controlling. Thanks for your post.

Hi S&C,<P>I have read a few of your posts and can sympathize. Here is what helped me so that I could be in a stronger position to help myself, my family and my H. <P>It is under a post named: 5 steps of grieving.... but there are also additional steps that break up our problem into steps that are easier to manage.<P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html</A> <P>Hope this helps,<BR>L.<BR>