hello everyone <BR> i had a bad weekend i was at home by myself while Paul took our oldest son to kings island. yes his "friend" went with them. it was a church thing but i couldnt go. i didnt have the $$$ anyway Friday Paul gave me some hope he was the sweetest ive seen him in a while he kissed me on the mouth!!!! and one thing led to another and you know the rest. any way after the "trip" he seems like he is avioding me in everything. i dont know if i've done something. he was supposed to look at my car tonight but cancled and wouldn't tell me what came up, finally in a very hateful tone he in formed me that her father was in the hospital and had to be there, granted he was friends with the man before he started seeing Tash (as he calls her)so should i be upset that he chose to do that instead? Please pray for our family <P>Amanda

Amanda,<P>The answer to your question is in a word: No! You shouldn't be upset. A person he knows is in the hospital, it is the right thing to do.<P>How are you doing? Have you made any progress with yourself and your issues? I hope so. Are you beginning to lead your life in a way that would give Paul hope that you have changed? It will take actions rather than words Amanda.<P>Having read both of your posts, it seems to me the easiest thing for him to do is continue with the divorce. As if either choice would be easy. It is up to you to allow him to see the changes you are making. He was badly burned last time and those types of wounds don't heal cleanly or easily. You realize this I am sure.<P>My feeling is that you shouldn't worry about OW. It is your feelings, attitudes, and beliefs that you can address. Your the only one Amanda, no one else. Give that a go and see what you can do.<P>I hope you are feeling better and whatever made the weekend bad has now passed.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Amanda...<BR>...my sister in Christ,<P>Being upset is one thing...<BR>...using it as a way to LB is completely another...<P>...pray on this to find the right way to handle it.<BR>...if your've read the "book"... you'll know what is right!<P> <P>Jim/NSR

thanx for the advice jl i knew i felt kinda silly having jealous feelings over that. yes i am proud to say i have made great strides in making myself a better person. i feel really good about myself. i am just confused as far as paul goes. i am sure i will find peace in this because i pray about 1000 times a day. Paul and myself do agree on one thing we want a divorce. that way if we can combine our hearts again some day it will be with new and beautiful vows no mistakes just love trust and respect the things i wish we started this one with but god does things for a reason and ive learned my lessons and even if i dont get my paul back at least i know ill never do that to anyone ever again.<P>Love <BR>Amanda

love ya jim i need all the prayers i can get, would you pray for Paul? he needs them as well<P>Amanda

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ready2change:<BR><B>thanx for the advice jl i knew i felt kinda silly having jealous feelings over that. yes i am proud to say i have made great strides in making myself a better person. i feel really good about myself. i am just confused as far as paul goes. i am sure i will find peace in this because i pray about 1000 times a day. Paul and myself do agree on one thing we want a divorce. that way if we can combine our hearts again some day it will be with new and beautiful vows no mistakes just love trust and respect the things i wish we started this one with but god does things for a reason and ive learned my lessons and even if i dont get my paul back at least i know ill never do that to anyone ever again.<P>Love <BR>Amanda </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Amanda,<P>It is my belief that the only way to avoid ever doing that to Paul (or any man, if you do divorce and remarry later) is to get at the *heart* of what caused you to stray in the first place.<P>I am a Christian, and I believe in prayer, and I also do believe that Jesus can heal what ailes you... but... it is so easy to fall back into the patterns if the "grass is not watered"... do you know what I mean?<P>I am divorced from my (ex)H of 20 years and am engaged to someone new. I did have an affair, although I understand the other side all to well since my ex cheated many times. I am far from perfect, and I have burned bridges to get here, and I have learned so much about myself (sometimes it is painful to see too)... but I can tell you with 100% certainty that I never ever want to be in the situation where my marriage is faltering and I turn to another for comfort. I have to ask myself **how** I will accomplish that. <P>It will take work. <P>That's the case for you too... work, and counseling, and prayer, and a good, hard look into your soul of souls... heart of hearts... deeper yet... into your core... that's how far you'll have to go.<P>It will take time. <P>Bless you as you continue your journey...<P><BR>

Amanda,<P>So you and Paul have agreed to let the divorce proceedings continue? I am saddened by this choice, but I can also see the point you are making. I understand that you worry about Paul, but understand this, he is feeling his way. You now know what you want. It is apparently is to be married to Paul. But he doesn't know what he wants.<P>He wants what once was, but is lost. He wants many things in a marriage, but they were not to be earlier. I suspect he wants you as his W,but has deep concern that he can be enough of a husband to you, he wasn't in the past and you strayed.<P>So Amanda, where does he set his feet? He doesn't know. Most of what he wanted was beyond his grasp. He is not sure that you are within his grasp either. So he is looking, thinking, growing (as hopefully you are). <P>Give him time and love Amanda. With patience and you turning your life around, he has a very good chance of finding his way back to you. But he wander for a bit, don't panic, have patience and confidence.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

you guys have brought tears to my eyes once again. i believe he will come back to me it does take time thanx for the confidence in that. i am as we speak fixing a dinner for him sure the kids have to eat too but i was thinking of him when i cooked it i hope this evening will remind him that we still have a chance of being a happy family. wish me luck. please pray that i can be strong for the sake of us.<P>Amanda

OMG Amanda,I'm from another forum here. I do think God will change your life for the better. With or without Paul.<P>You have a tough journey before you...I wish you and Paul peace and happiness.<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....