<BR>Hi<P>I am in such a state of mental disarray here. I come here and read and read, take peices of advice from others and try to apply it to my situation... but, it seems to be to no avail.<P><BR>I am in a relationship that has me all but emotional wrung out. The relationship has been ongoing for 2 years.<BR>It was in the beginning, a long distance relationship. I decided to relocated out of state so we could be together. To be a family. I also have an 8 year old from a previous relationship.<P>Since being here, it has been one thing after another with us. This up and down rollercoater of emotions.<BR>We moved here during the middle of the school semester and my son had to get adjusted to the new school and kids, etc. There were some problems with adjusting for a while. We're past that now.<P>Then came some problems with my boyfriends grown children. He and I are supposed to be "together" in this and nothing gets discussed. He just burdens it all on his shoulders. Decisions are made without me even being informed ahead of time. Yet, I'm always being told that "this relationship is not about being independent."<P>There is a big lack of communication going on between us. I am usually much more conversational than what I am experiencing now. Things I say always get misunderstood, example: I'm telling him something and he will say,<BR>"I don't follow you"..something that I want to express my opinion or feelings about, he can sit there and listen, agree with me, agree that we need to make a change, etc.. and then 2 or 3 days later, he suddenly has a problem with it. And nothing gets done about it. Feels as though I am telling him what to do. Or he goes off in silence for days and days and days pouting about it.<P>I don't in any way shape or form, nag this man to do anything. He comes and goes and does what he wants when he wants.<BR>He does not run around in bars. He does not associate with anyone from his job. He is always home at the same time everytime from work.<BR>If he's going to be late, he calls me to let me know.<P>Our lifestyle here is very quiet and very VERY boring. We live in a rural part of town. I am not working yet, though I've looked for work here with no success as yet.<BR>I am not from a city, I am from a small town. I am trying very hard to cope with this isolation here. It is very desolate to me here, and it is very very depressing.<P>We don't get out much due to financial difficulties right now. We take walks every once in a while and it's really only a temporary band-aid for the situation. I don't always like to roam where the deer and the antelope play!... I'm not a woodsie kinda gal. But, I go..for the sake of getting out of the house.<P>I am so bored and isolated that I have nothing to talk about. No current events, no gossip, no nothing. I guess I could tell him about the soap operas that I watch all day...yeah, sure.<BR>I've done all the crafting that I could get my hands on. Read books. Some yard work. Playtime with my son at the park, etc.<P>No one calls here on the phone. No one comes and visits. We go no where most of the time. Just vegetate here in this house until I'm near the brink of insanity.<BR>I don't ask him for money to go out with. I feel awkward asking him for his money. I'd rather be making some of my own. (there's that independent streak!)<P>Having only one vehicle and my boyfriend is on roatating shifts at his job.. to me, it makes it a bit difficult to even begin to get a job. He says he is not holding me back from getting a job... what am I supposed to do with my 8 year old while everyone is at work? I'd prefer that he be on a straight shift..he doesn't and he isn't.<P>So, here I sit. If anyone feels put down, and put out, I feel it is me. I try my damndest to accomodate everything and everyone with what they want.<BR>I don't even know what I want anymore. I have lost so much of myself over the years. It was that way before I met my boyfriend and this isolation only compounds my depression worse. The anti-depressants don't seem to be helping much.<P>We are so far out in the sticks, the local bus service doesn't even come out this way!<BR>Even if I wanted to go out somewhere, I still need a car.<BR>Doesn't seem like one would be falling from the sky anytime soon!<P>I guess what I need here is just a good rant. I can't rant to my boyfriend about it because he then says I'm calling him a failure. A loser. If I felt that way about him, I would point blank, to his face say that. I've told him many times that I don't feel that way but I do feel left out here.<BR>He doesn't understand that. It's like I am speaking jibberish to him or something.<P>I hate living here in this part of the town. My boyfriend's preference is to live in the woods..even deeper in the woods, if he could.<BR>He said that we would someday move from this house into town. That it would be better for me and my child. He can live in a neighborhood or wherever.<BR>Well, now that we are suddenly in a financila crunch..I guess I'll never see that happening either. And he wonders why I am depressed and so quiet.<P>I'm not mad at him..not for any of it. These are all set backs..and I'm used to those.<BR>He just doesn't understand that I need to have some socialization in my life besides it just being me and him.<P>I write letters constantly to a friend back where I'm from. It helps some. We call each other once in a while too.<BR>But it's not the same. I was hoping to had gotten the chance to meet new people and make some new friends along the way. It isn't happening. I am slowly becoming de-socialized.<BR>This only makes me want to go back to where I am from. Not that I'd be going back to much. I have nothing if I leave here. I gave up my house, job, car to get here.<BR>Everything I own is left in storage back where I am from with little hope of ever getting it here.<BR>I love my boyfriend very much. I feel very sad and very lost in all this and I don't know what to say anymore to him... that it would be the wrong thing. So, I just keep my mouth shut. I know that's not a good thing, either.<BR>It's just better that I do sometimes, I feel.<BR>Things just go on sometimes as if we don't exist.<BR>He has very little interaction with my son. Says hi to him. Not much more than that.<BR>My boyfriend says that "he can't reach him."<BR>He can't reach him in the sense of teaching. My son is seeking attention, and when they have played ball, a whole 2 times..my son always says, "look what I can do!".."watch me!"..my boyfriend doesn't seem to like that, so he shows no interest in participating with him. How sad.<BR>I don't know...I'm in a situation here and I feel very lost, hurt and anxious about what I should do.<BR>I keep wanting to leave and I keep wanting to stay. If that makes any sense at all.<BR>I'm sorry for ranting on so much here. I have no one to talk to and I am just so depressed.<BR>Thanks for listening.<BR>

Welcome <B>Unsolved-Mystery</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Your's is a most difficult position...<P>Living together as a boyfriend/girlfriend is, for some people, a test marriage environment...<P>What have you really learned?...<P>If you have no formal commitment (marriage) in place, have you considered that this relationship is not one of true marriage... or more importantly... should not become a marriage?...<P>Financially, you may feel bound to your SO...<BR>...but for the betterment of you and your son?...<BR>...should/could you not move on?...<P>Is there support from family?...<BR>...even distant... uncles/aunts/grandparents?...<P>Is it worth it to start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>?...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>?<P>Only you can assess the chance of a fully committed marital relationship...<BR>...in general...<BR>...I believe... that living together... worsens the chance of a permanent relationship work...<BR>...but your assessment is what real counts.<P>Post and ask some...<BR>...you aren't alone!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

I really don't know what to say. But I do want to welcome you here to MB, and I hope that you can find answers with the help of the fabulous people on here!<P>Take care,<BR>Karen<BR>

ok hon,<P>I know ALL about rollercoasters and how 'stuff' is always happening to 'keep' you and yours 'down'...<P>I have had 7 years of really bad karma....throw my hubby's affair 2 yrs ago into the mix, and we're talking complete emotional hell...and an on-going nervous breakdown...<P> <P>good thing I like a challenge!!<P>strange but true, I would LOVE to be in the middle of nowhere..it's my hubby and I's dream....we're selling our suburban home (hopefully before it faslls on us) and getting the heck outta here!!..middle of the woods...sounds good....but not if you are not the type.<P>I don't know where you are or what state or province, but much of what you are saying sounds like alot of adjustment is required and is taking awhile.<P>how long ago was the move?<P>I understand feeling trapped and worse, at someone else's whim and schedule...<P>I come here and share, and laugh, and go to all the cyber-parties, and call some here real life friends (phone calls)..this place is a life line...I have 2 face-to-face friends in the real world and barely see them...<P>of course, I 'hibernate' to compensate for alot of my self-esteem probs and have 'chased' away many who could be better friends....this place seems safer alot of the time...often, my only company is a 5 yr old.<P>I understand about the job thing too...daycare here is unaffordable, and at times, I would love to get a job, but again, feel trapped by my circumstances...I would love to go to a movie, walk around a museaum, anything!!!...but finances are a joke...yes, even to the point where a night out would bankrupt us at this point....<P>no, a relationship may not be about being independant, but it should be about sharing, compassion, love, understanding and an openess to 'hear' what the other partner is saying and trying to get across...<P>in other words, I have no advice to give...but understand what you are feeling and going through...<P>I will come back to this post...I want to re-read it again..<P>know that you are not alone, I am sending out healing energies to you and giving you a big hug:<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{unsolved mystery}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>have you thought about an on-line job??...just a thought for now...<P>will be back...<P>breathe.....its underrated.<P><BR>Dylan<P>

Hi Soullost<P>I guess I just needed to find some comfort in knowing that I'm not alone in these types of situations. You know how misery loves company..right? LOL!<P>The move was 16 months ago and my son seems to have adjusted ok. I don't feel that I have very well.<BR>It's been an emotional battle everyday with myself if I did the right thing.<BR>We both have our own baggage from past relationships. We both want to be together. We just both seem to not be able to get it right. Or if we do, it's never for long. Then the silence and distance falls again.<P>We get along pretty well for the most part. We rarely argue. In the 16 months of living here, there has only been 2 heated disagreements.<BR>It's all very complicated and I try everyday to make strides for the good in this relationship. I know that it's all going to take some time and effort on both our parts.<BR>We are trying to remedy this situation. <BR>I guess, sometimes I feel that I've waited long enough and want it NOW! LOL!<P>I've looed back on my other post and that's what it seems like. That I'm whining like a 2 year old.<P>You are right in your assumption that I am feeling trapped. I do. The woods thing isn't so bad if there were some other neighbors a little close by. Something!<BR>I'm all for peace and quiet too. It is very relaxing. However, I live out in the woods already. If I want to look at trees, I have all day to do that here.<BR>Why would I want to go out for a drive out of town and deeper into the woods to go look at some more.<BR>But I did.....<BR>and now BF is disappointed because I wasn't altogether pleased with the trip.<BR>So, whatta a gonna do?...win some, lose some. I'll figure it out somehow.<BR>Thanks for taking the time to respond. Take care.<BR>