Do you think there is a higher incidence of violence in affairs? <P>My H told me about the fight he and OW had where they got physical and he pushed her. Now my H has always been very verbally against any kind of violence toward women and was never even close to it with me. It made me wonder. He was very angry with her for coming to confront me, and for not accepting the end of the affair. But to me it seems like there is alot of passion involved to be that angry. <P>I remember Lostva mentioning violence with her H and OW too. Any ideas on this?<BR>Lora

Funny you should mention this about violence. My WH says that he is scared to death of me and won't see me. He even told our pastor that he was afraid to be alone with me because he thought that I would hit him and then call the police and tell them he hit me and have him arrested (By the way he is 6ft5in, 250 lbs and is a Policeman, I am 5ft5in, 1XFFC lbs) I have never been violent in my life toward anyone especially him. But I did find out the the OW got into a fight at her work with another woman over the womans husband and she got fired and now got taken to court and has had to move out of town. I believe that they have been violent and he can't separate the two of us anymore, I started see the mean, evil man slip in to our house right before he left, it was like he was two different people, so I trully believe that you become like what you hang with, he was hanging with some ugly stuff, let me tell you. There has be be anger and rage as the relationship is not based on trust to begin with, so it is sad to see what this SIN can do to people, it trully is ugly isn't it!!

hey I was posting to you while you were posting to me, are we the only ones here? <P>I do think they change drastically, but you know what, my H affair si over and he seems back to his old self. It is unbeleivable the change in him.<BR>Lora

You're right, Lora. Robert has always been VERY opposed to violence against women....it makes him sick - still today.<P>but...with PT, he was violent once. She attacked him once and he held her down..she threw a boom box at him while she thought he was sleeping once and he chased her into the other room (he saw it coming and raised his leg - huge gash in his leg, would've been his face) and grabbed her wrists. During the argument that followed, she threatened me and Kristin physically and he lost it. He didn't hit her, but he was a bit physical and wound up walking out to sleep in the car. He told his mom that, for the first time in his life, he wasn't just afraid that he would hit a woman, but that he could kill her. See, she ISN'T opposed to violence and has used it before. He knew the threat on us was probably real - not just bluster.<P>I was shocked. And worried. But, now, after a year of his being back home and some of the mess we've had to go through, I can safely say that it was a temporary thing, I believe. He's right back to the same old principles concerning this. It's amazing what sides of us the wrong person can bring out.<P>Lori

oh my Gosh Lori,<P>My H told me he wanted to kill her too. He said that the last time he saw her he told her that and she said that that is when she knew it was over.<BR>lora

Wow What is it with some of these ow and violence ? Wildebeast (ow # 1) was violent with Mike when they lived together. And Mike has never been violent toward me, but he did reach a point (when she threw a bottle at him and cut his face right next to his eye) where he slapped her. <BR>When it ended between them she came around and laughed at him when he asked her how she could leave him for his friend when he (Mike) had left everything for him his wife his son and his family. That turned ugly and he did hit her.<P>I have never understood it, both Mike and his best friend wound up hitting this woman and I am telling you that I wold have sworn on my life that neither of those men would have done that.<P>She later admitted to her friend that she would push them, threaten them or whatever it took until they hit her so she could use them hitting her as an excuse to go out and screw around on them . Never mind that she had hit first or even in one case pulled a loaded 45 (on the friend).<P>Sick just sick.

It isn't just the spouse & the OP, I think the anger/passions make everybody a little closer to the edge. We had a couple incidents that turned really ugly, and potentionally dangerous...and initiated by me. I'm small compared to my H, and fortunate he chose to restrain me rather than retaliate. <P>My counselor worked on my anger a long time. <P>If someone doesn't understand that they need help with either anger or aggression, it can be a very volatile situation if both people lose it.