This is my first post here and I'm hoping someone can help me. I'm not legally married, but my fiancee and I have lived together for over two years and act as a married couple. We don't have any children. She is 29 and I am 22. She is from another state and gave up everything she had and knew to move here with me. We've always had our little fights here and there, but we've loved each other very much. About eight months ago, we almost split up because I spent too much time hanging out a a local pool room with my friends. I came home late often, and she decided that she'd had enough. I convinced her to give me another chance. Things were going well until recently. She occasionally goes home to visit her friends and family (about a four hour drive). She was gone for a week. I had had some doubts about things in our relationship and was quite confused. During this time, I ran into an ex-girlfriend's cousin that I had been friends with a few years ago. We talked a few times, and ended up sleeping together. The night this happened, I talked to my fiancee by phone, and told her I was having some doubts. She didn't seem to think much of it. I didn't tell her about the OW. After she came home, I ended up sleeping with the OW once more. This time I came home with a hickey on my neck. I managed to play off everything for a while, but eventually, due to what we thought was an STD, I had to tell her. It turned out just to be a yeast infection. Initially she was hurt, but now she's just angry. I have never cheated on her before, and broke it off with the OW. I got past my feelings of doubt and realized just how much I love my fiancee. However, she now wants nothing to do with me. She's always been a social drinker, but now she drinks everyday when she gets home, then goes straight to bed. She doens't want to talk, and if I try to talk to her, she gets mad all over again. I repeatedly tell her how sorry I am and that I love her, but nothing seems to matter. She told me tonight (while drunk) that she had no desire to try to work things out, and that I wasn't worth it. She keeps saying she just wants to go back home and move on. She says that she just feels nothing. I know that deep down, she still loves me, but doesn't want to tell me, and is afraid to be hurt again. It was just a one-time mistake....I haven't done this before and won't again. But how can I convice her of this? How can I get her to open up to me again? I've been trying so hard to prove myself again, but it's getting me nowhere. I'm hurting so bad right now....I want to save our relationship, but don't know how to get her to open up to this idea. PLEASE HELP!!<P><BR>Point5

All I can say is that she's extremely angry and hurt by your actions. That is something that will never totally go away, but it will fade. How long that will take, depends on her.<P>If she is so mad right now, there is nothing you can say to her at present to make her hear you, and actually listen to what you're saying. You can only do good right now, by staying calm yourself. Just tell her you love her right now, and tell her that you are sorry, and tell her that you can talk to each other about this, when SHE is ready.<P>In the meantime, do some soul searching. Find out why you cheated on her. Go through the emotional needs questionnaires, fill them out, and see what it was that she wasn't providing for you. Then perhaps try doing one on behalf of her (if she won't do it herself). Learn what you can about what you need to do for her, then do it.<P>All I can say now, is that I wish it was my H who wanted to work things through so much! sigh!<P>Karen<BR><P>------------------<BR>Empathy is such a wonderful thing, but in situations like this, it's a shame we know how.