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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 311
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 311 |
Today is my W's birthday, but she is in another state with her sister right now. The kids and I called before I took them to school and sang Happy Birthday to her. Of course afterwards all she said was to tell the kids (not me) thank you, as if they thought of it. Oh well, at least I'm trying. <P>My W's parents keep telling me to take the hardball approach and stop doing everything she asks or tells me to do. I'm not ready to do that yet. I've taken the approach that if my W files for divorce as she has said (on numerous ocassions) she is going to do, then she will have to live with the fact that she divorced a nice guy and not someone who justifies her make believe impression of me.<P>dave (S&C)<BR><p>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited May 04, 2001).]
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 147
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 147 |
{{S&C}}}<BR>you did good,,, and it will be her loss if she files..<BR>hang in there.<BR>C1
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406 |
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Good job. The hard ball approach, as your W's folks describe it, seems to be a natural first reaction until you think it through, unless you don't want to reconcile - in that case it works real well!<P>That said, Dobson's tough love approach has worked for many, but it's not "stop doing everything she asks or tells you to do."<P>Depending on how close you are with her folks, you might explain what you're doing so they'll understand and not inadvertantly torpedo you during their interactions with your W.<P>WAT
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 6,107
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 6,107 |
You done good!! ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>I know it's tough, but don't listen to anyone but yourself... and yes, this is absolutely one of those "do as I say, not as I did" times!! <blush> Oh well... sigh...<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 311
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 311 |
Thanks for all the encouragment. It is somewhat awkward to outwardly do nice things for someone who shows you no respect and is angry. But believe it or not it makes you feel better about yourself. The old saying "it takes more energy to be angry than pleasant" is very true.<P>My in-laws are very aware of my new approach and understand it. They are very disappointed in their daughter right now and think she has taken advantage of me (and my giving personality) for too long. I guess they think that if she truly has what she is giving up taken away from her that she might wake up.<P>Anyway we're going to try it this way for a while.<P>S&C<p>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited May 04, 2001).]
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