I saw gift in home office I didn't get for Xmas. I know I saw it. He says he knows nothing about it, never had an affair and never would. That I can believe, but i saw the gift, size, I wondered why it was not our jewelry store, and it was wrapped dso couldn't peek. I wish I had not been snooping for my gift now. Could I havae imagined this? He after 5 mos still insists its all in my head, hes faithful and always has been. That makes sense to me, however I saw that gift. We have talked for hours and always reach the same dead end, He says no affair and I say I saw a gift someone got. Only two of us in home so he had to have removed it. i suspect a lady from l2 yrs ago who worked for him. Its not a ongoing affair but one that has lasted for years but he would only see her when she comes into town few times a year. Lives a long way from us. Thats the only kind of affair He could handle , not alot of mess and trouble hiding and lying since not a weekly etc type of affair. It would also be only for sex. Our sex life was not good and I take blame. he could hav an affair due to low self esteem and I am to blame for that. WE have talked about improving our marriage since I found gift and our sex life for some reason is great. Don't know what happened there with me. Anyway marriage can be better than ever we both agree its just that I keep harping on this gift I saw and he keeps deniying it. We went to counselor and was told for me to forget it and if something else comes up be aware and check it out. It still eats at me and I see couselor (another one) and I just can't put it on the shelf and drop it. Its making us both very unhappy. Any suggestions? Thanks

I think your husband just does not figure it will pay off to admit anything. This way you will never know but if he admits an affair you will be steaming. Maybe he does not expect the lady to return for a few more years? Maybe he regrets what he did and does not intend to do it again. You have little choice but to think of it less and less. Its frustrating and maddening. We can't just turn our mind off no matter how many people tell us we should. For now your husband will not admit anything. Keeping at him might drive him away.

Thanks for reply Roger. I liked your advice. I think he is just plain scared. His integrity has always been important to him above all else and this would be very difficult to admit for this man believe me. thanks