What a terrible feeling. This morning I was ready to give up and next min. I was calling my WH about let me plan a fishing trip for us this weekend. <BR>The OW came back from her one week vacation last night and my H pick her up at the airport. They were planing spending the night at her place, but I talk him out of it. Last night before he went to the airport, he told me- you know I am still planing to move out, right? This is his Monday morning pattern action again.<BR>After 2 month of paln-A. I realize that my WH has this Monday morning pattern. Because I does not want him to cheat in front of my face, during the weekend he won't see the OW( they see each other at work every day) and that just drive him crazy. So, the Monday morning before work, he will really push the seperation issue hard. I understand his MMP cause by two reasons-first, he feel so hungry without seeing her and spending time with her during the weekend and I am the cause. Second, she might give him some Sh*t Monday at work about if he is going to divorce me as he have told her, why he is not showing any action and instead he spend the weekend with me. The only way to make he or her feel better Mon. morning is he do something to me to make me suffer. <BR>So, I know last night he had to push again in order to aviod some pressure from the OW when she return. What a nice way to make her happy-sacrifice the wife.<BR>Of course he is not having lunch with me today, he told me that they already plan to have lunch today right after her return 4 days ago. I just can not see any hope the break the tide between them. I almost tell him to move out last night. <BR>Right now, I am packing all the camping stuff for us. Over the phone this morning although he does not sound too excited about this trip, he did agree to go. I think the reason I am doing this is because they did not see each other for a week and it is going to be really hard to stop my H to see her this weekend without keeping him busy. He must be dieing to spend time with her after a week of seperation.<BR>I am so stupied for planing this fishing trip for him. I really do not feel want to go. I just want to lay down and cry. How can you keep doing plan-A when you feel there is no hope? I am so stupied.

Hi TryingtoLive:<P>You know you're really doing alright...in the light of what you're facing....Plan A in this situation is very difficult...but it seems as if your WH is trying to please both of you....and that encouraging...it's more then my WH did...OW always came first...or the A did...there's a difference you see....you think this A is all about OW but it's not really....it's about how he feels about himself when he's with her. If he could get the same feeling while being with you then he would be there. And that's what you need to work on....giving him that feeling.<P>Yes, right now he may not even let you try...but that's why you need to continue....he may not even be aware of it but he's processing each and every little thing you do...you may have to do things you don't want to do...but if he's willing and it keeps him away from her...do it. It will also make her mad...and she will probably LB. It must be irritating to her that he is not spending every free moment with her...and why isn't he....let her wonder.<P>He may be trying to keep both of you happy...an impossibility....but some men think it's possible...and eventually he will either give her up or leave. But before he does give him a reason to want to stay home or a reason to remember why he should be at home. It's up to you.<P>Faye<p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited May 04, 2001).]

Dear Faye, <BR>It is so nice to hear from you again.<BR>Thank you for the reply. I think I will feel better during this fishing trip. I feel sad for your situation. But tell you the truth, I do not think my WH is all that care abut my happiness either. <BR>I do not know when he will move out eventually and there are times I do wish he will just get out of my life. One thing he told me last night is that he want a woman has her own life out side of him and also let him to do thing alone sometimes( I said - Do things alone? I did let you do your things alone and you end up with a fu*k A). The OW have her own friends and family and I am too focus on him. I do not think it is so wrong that I put my marriage first though. I came to UAS 6 years ago, had very intention to return to my homeland after finishing my master degree, but I give up all I have there and married him. I did not grew up here, I try my best to adapt to the new country. All my old friends are still in Taiwan, so does my family, but that is not my fault. I think he is wondering if he should marry a American instead(he did tell me 4 month ago that he will marry a American next time).<BR>Any way, he will be home soon and I got to go. I will update you about our trip, it could be 2 or 3 days trip depends on how long he is willing to go along. <BR>Wish you have a nice weekend and all of you listen to my story. Thank you.

You are doing a good job. It is extremely difficult to do Plan A in the face of an A, but especially in the early days (weeks/months), you just have to do it.<P>All this stuff about wanting this and that from a woman is standard speech from a wayward spouse. Mine did the same thing. Even though she has always denied her affair, she used to tell me in the early days of it what she wanted from a new partner if we didn't get back together. Little did I know that she was describing her affair! (I didn't clue in for a month or two)<P>As far as I'm concerned, it is all just part of the fantasy, part of the bubble they are in. They see stars with the OP and since this infatuation stage goes away in marriage (replaced by a deeper love - or it should be), we don't compare to the affair partner.<P>The stars go away though, it is just a matter of time. Then they can start to be realistic. Then the effects of Plan A can start to have an impact.<P>Listen to Faye's advice and keep Plan Aing. Make yourself the best you can be, meet his ENs, and take care of yourself. You are doing it right.<P>

Once again I come here for hope.<BR>Got back from the 3 day trip( he said he had a wonderful time), but right after we got home I did a LB. We are playing cards as my H suggested, I lost and got upset. Right away he star heading to the door and going to the OW's place. I think I just got so tired after 3 days of walking on egg shell- making sure every thing is going perfect and when I lost the game, I just can not face he is the winner on every thing. <BR>I begged him do not go and he stayed till now. He siad he is going to play pool with his male friends for a while. I think I will drive out to the place and check it out myself.<BR>I know it won't do any good to do so, but just getting tired of being lie to all the time. Too many thoughts right now, I will be back tomorrow when I think it out. <BR>Thank you!