About 1 1/2 months ago, I told my husband of 9yrs about the affair I was having with a man from my work. I did this because I was tired of the guilt and feelings I was going through. I wasn't sure how he would take it but we are now trying to work things out. But I just don't feel the same anymore towards him. I find myself thinking of this other man and how much I care for him. I miss him greatly. Once the affair came out in the open, he quit his job because he knew we could no longer work together. He has told me numerous times that he loves me and would do anything for me. I'm not sure what I feel for him is love but I can't stop thinking about him. How and when do I get over these feelings and start working on loving and appreciating my husband again. He's such a wonderful man and a loving father. I could never leave him after what he has put up with me.<P>Thanks for your help!

QO - you have come to the right place. You will find support and compassion here. You are the WS. Others that can identify with you will respond and guide you. I think your feelings and confusion are normal for what you are facing. You have already taken the most imporant step - realizing and facing your problem.<P>The purpose of my response is to reassure you that you are welcome and to tell you that you will find the answers that you need. This goes for your H as well.<P>Good luck. You are already well on your way.<P>WAT

QuietOne,<P>What you are feeling is very normal when an affair ends. You are in what is called withdrawal. It will last for awhile. The length to some extent depends on the length of your affair. There is a lot of information here that can help you and help your H. Please go to the "Just Found Out" section of this site, and read either NSR's General Greeting or OneGoing's post of the same sort.<P>Within those posts there are many articles about recovering a marriage from the affair. Not contacting your OM, is the first key step. Talking with your H, and letting him help you is the next step. I would recommend that you read an article by SKM also a Wayward Spouse, WS. I think her time line on recovery will give you some idea of what is to come.<P>Please keep posting, reading, and asking questions. You are very fortunate that your H is willing to work on the marriage. You have no idea what you are putting him through, but it is clear that he loves you. AS you come out of the withdrawal stage you will come to appreciate him, and your love will return.<P>This most definitely can be done. If you had to get two books to read, the ones I am most familiar with, where written by the host of this website. His Needs Her Needs and Surviving an Affair, by Harley. The first book will help you and your H see what was missing from your marriage. The second book will show you many things about an affair and how to recover from it.<P>Hang in there, you are normal.<P>God Bless,<P>JL<P>PS: Here is SKM's post. Just click on the colored letters. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/007743.html" TARGET=_blank>SKM </A><p>[This message has been edited by Just Learning (edited May 04, 2001).]

Hi Q1,<P>You have come to a place that can offer you support and help. There is a general welcome that is sent to 1st time posters. Look for a post by NSR. He will show you links to information that will be helpful for both you & your H. <P>Read, apply, ask questions, take the questionnaires and schedule an appointment with Jennifer or Steve Harley ASAP. <P>You will find that many are familar with what you are going through. You do not need to go through this alone. Depending on how your H is, some have come here, read and posted as couples each with their own user names. <P>There is a lot to learn. The support here is positive. While we are not professionals, we are 'unfortunately' fairly experienced since some of us have been dealing with this for a while. Listen to all that is said and pick out what is right for your situation. <P>The attitude of this board is to help. I speak from experience. I have been greatly helped by many here. <P>Please take care,<BR>L.<P>

Thanks everyone for all of your advice and comments. There have been times when I felt so alone and didn't have anyone I could talk to that would understand what I am feeling, now I know there is a place to turn to. Along with turning to my husband. I read the article by SKM and so far it all sounds so familiar, the feelings she felt are the same as mine. It actually made me feel normal again. Sometimes I don't know what or how I'm feeling; or why I feel so down all the time; and what did I do to deserve a husband like mine. He is so awesome, I'm not sure I would be as understanding if the tables were turned. Thanks again for letting me know that there is someone out there who really cares.<P>QuietOne

Great advise as usual ladies & WAT. <P><BR>QuietOne - As wonderful as your H is being through all this...there is a lot he cannot understand...and still he appears to be willing to support you. There is an invaluable resource of help for him here as well as you if you can get him to come here.<P>It is especially helpful to be able to see both sides...to see others experiencing the same situations and dealing successfully with them is truly a blessing when you are feeling alone and don't know where to turn for help. <P>I applaud you for realizing what a mistake you've made with the A and wish you strength for enduring this period of withdrawal which may be very difficult for you. Perhaps focusing on implimenting the MB principles in your marriage will help to ease your pain. Bless your H for being there for you...that's a decided plus on your road to recovery and you don't know how difficult this will be for him.<P><BR>Faye<BR>.<P> <p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited May 06, 2001).]