OK has anyone had this experience, we have had very little contact her choosing from the day she left, she is with OM, she now finds excuses to call and leave messages on the answering machine, she calls when she knows I am at work, and I can't return calls, because I don't have her number. She said today this is your ex wife. She left a message and reminded me of how happy she is with OM. I laugh anymore just can't figure this game out.

My WH has been gone for 3 months now, he has had very little contact, he did the same exact thing, left messages when he knew we were not home. It is really sad, I even taped his messages and all of them sounded exactly the same every time he called. He was and is in the fog, so is your WS. The guilt and denial keeps them from facing us and reality. It is so sad, especially for kids, my sons don't understand their dad not wanting to see or talk to them either. I once went to my husband's work to leave a message because he won't call me back, and boy did I get a horrible, nasty message left on the machine. I taped that one too. Just know that you must still be on her mind or else she wouldn't call. The conviction must be hard on them too and by calling and leaving messages, they release some of that conviction. Just try to find something to keep busy with, talk to your friends and do some enjoyable things to keep your mind off her, and keep in touch on this board, it really has helped me vent and ask questions. As you will see, there really is a pattern in these affairs for most of the WS and the people on this site have been through the whole cycle and will help you understand. Just remember that this is not about you, it is about her and her choices. Hope this helps! SEF

thank you I am new to the board, but it helps alot just knowing there is a pattern and I am not alone here, I am not going nuts, because I can see the pattern is the same for everyone, it still baffles me. I still wonder why they don't wake up. I am just rying to move on, I have no contact with her she made it that way. I have no other choices right now.<P>

jabber - good for you. You have the right mindset. But there are things you can do. Get familiar with Plan A, if you haven't already and work on yourself.<P>One of the best pieces of advice I've found was in Private Lies, by Pittman. We BSs should not take this stuff personally. The best thing to do can be to leave them alone and find a way to distract yourself until it runs its course.<P>WAT

I think she is not happy. It sounds to me that she is very angry with you and is trying to get you goat. She proably blames you for everything that happen in your marriage. Call her back and tell her you are happy for her that should get her goat.