OK..so we're in recovery and for the most part everything is fairly smooth. As I look back to the time the A started, partner and I were both up to our ears in different things, work, meetings, kids ect and would put each other on the back burner.<P>Well, here we go again. This is the third time this week we've made plans, and here I am again, waiting, waiting, and waiting. First time it was because "clinic got backed-up and had to answer phone calls" Second time it was " had to meet the new guy at work and took longer than I thought". Tonight he had a meeting that was supposed to be over at 7 at the latest. We had made plans to spend a quiet evening at home with sushi, wine and US. Here it is 8:30. This happened so much before I got used to not even getting in the shower until 1/2 hour after we were supposed to leave!!!! Of course, now I know about the A so of course the old imagination runs wild! I don't mind cancelling plans if he has a delivery or surgery,that happens to both of us, but it seems to me if I can rearrange my schedule for him, he should be able to do the same for me.<P>By the time he finally shows up, I'm not exactly in a real loving mood. Don't yell, but I do withdraw.<P>Yes, we've talked about it but nothing has changed. Please give me some advice. I'm ready to just not be here the next time...Would that be a LB? Would rather use a frying pan!!!<BR>T

Twyla:<BR>This is truly a hard one because it sounds like H is a doctor or something. This is truly important work. I am a social worker and emergencies happen, I always feel so torn and I am sure your husband does too. What I would suggest is to keep the sushi (warm - cold??) and the wine achilling, try your hardest to remain as open and loving as possible. <P>Because I am sure if he knows what is waiting for him he will hurry home as soon as emergency is over. If he knows it is cold shoulder he may stay and do paper work.<P>One of the hardest things for me was the triggers, you know hon I am working late - now that I know he was not "working" I don't like to hear those words again but we have to stay in this mind frame, look how hard he is working at work and on saving his marriage. Curl up with a good book when you hear his car, light the candles and tell him that waiting increases anticipation. (I know fake it till you make it)<P>Also get out the day timers and book weekends or nights away from town, then no one can stay late.<P>Good luck, this is a hard row but you can do it.

T,<BR>I just read post from StiilEverAfter about the trust issue & strength of marriage & although I did not reply, as I should have, it's really good! Thanks StillEverAfter!<BR>I believe our M can & hopefully will be stronger, but as you know I am struggling with some major trust issues myself and at this point I think it will always be there to some extent -- I do believe less as time passes -- it's just that time seems to stand still on some of these issues.<P>I know you are not really considering the frying pan, but I can honestly say, I can relate!!<P>I lost track of the thread where you asked about the golf present -- I know the tone of this post may not be the right time to ask, but I'm curious if you found a golf related present?<BR>I know it is hard, but I would try to give him the benefit of the doubt! Easy for me to say, huh -- I know the feelings!!<BR>We're here for you babe, Hang in there!<BR>HH<p>[This message has been edited by Hurrian Hoosier (edited May 05, 2001).]

MrsAxx- Thanks for the reply. He is an MD-obstetritian, and I am a OB/GYN NP so our fields are similar..the big difference is call..I'm on telephone call 24/7, but never have to leave. He, of course has to go in whenever. Believe me, because I know his work as well as my own, I never begrudge his time for patients. What I do get impatient with is the fact that when he doesn't have patients, he lets other stuff get in the way. He's a sociable guy, and will stay after a meeting or clinic chit-chatting while I wait. Or, he will decide to "just run by here real quick" and do something on the way home. Since the A he has been wonderful about calling and letting me know, but I just get tired of everything being more important than me. We did talk about it last night in an unusual way, which I will post on this board...it was neat.<P>HH, you old Hounddog Hurricane! (oops another new nickname!!!) I was worried you weren't speaking to me after my last post. I was really concerned about some of the things you were saying about your wife's actions. Nope, haven't gotten the golf present yet, but will look around this weekend. Our driving range plas are cancelled until my back heals...through it out lifting something, but will still go putt instead.<BR>Laters!<BR>T