With everything this forum has helped us with, I felt I needed to let you all know the latest as well.<P>As I am sure is the case with many on this forum, finances has been a major issue in our situation. Last Monday night, I was served with a garnishment on our checking account.<P>We had spoken with anttorney concerning bankruptcy and were working on compiling a list of creditors, but this added another level of urgency to this situation.<P>Well, to make long story short, I had to go down and file an emergency bankruptcy yesterday. I don't get paid for over a week, so needless to say, things are very tight right now. So tight in fact that I had to borrow money from my parents tonight so that we could do laundry, put gas in the car, etc. I have an appointment with the doctor on Wednesday, for the first full physical I had since before we started on this journey, and will have to make the co-pay when I go etc.<P>Well, that's all for now.<P>God Bless

Hey ES,<P>I just checked on for a sec tonight -- a quiet house and all alone again, for a moment anyhow -- and saw this.<P>I'm sorry about what you're going through... been there, done that, have the discharge to prove it. It sucks, like so many other things that happen in life (along with the good, of course).<P>Just wanted you to know you've been heard tonight, and I'm sending up prayers for you and hopeful.<P>Love to both of you,<P>Sheryl

ES, while bankruptcy has its own "stigma" to it, I think you will find that the financial relief it provides will give you a great deal of emotional relief. Just take care not to carry resentment toward your wife for the necessity of filing... THAT will assuredly make both of your emotional recoveries more difficult.<P>It is unfortunate that so many Americans find themselves in the boat in which you are in financially. When we first got married, my husband and I had to file for bankruptcy. Neither of us was great with our finances. My husband resented "my contribution" toward his financial ills. It was a difficult thing between us for a long time.<P>Today, I am in bad financial straits. And I have decided that my new attitude applies here as well - perhaps even better here than anywhere else: It is NOT going to make me ill, and it is not going to kill me. Therefore, it is NOT going to rule my life. I don't answer the phone unless I know who is calling, and I pay whatever bills I can afford to pay, and I don't think about it past that point. I don't own anything of value that they can take from me, so I feel actually quite good about myself. <P>"Freedom is just another word for 'nothing left to lose'..." There is much truth in this statement.<P>Good luck and FEEL OK ABOUT THIS!<P>Best Wishes,<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

ES asked for the checkbook and mailbox key this evening. <BR>Does this mean he feels I am responsible for ALL the money problems. I probably am. Its all my fault that we are in the situation we are in. I am terrible at taking care of the bills. Not to mention I have a crappy job and make no major financial contribution to our home. Maybe it's better this way.

Hi ES,<P>Can't begin to tell you about finances. H went out there and proclaimed himself the victim, said I caused the bills and when he got some back pay 'he was going to set the example by paying down some of his bills as long as I did the same'. Hogwash. Not one cent of that money went to paying any credit card or tax bills. It went to room deposit, paying down his cell phone bill (over $1500.00) and some nights at Motel Sex with OW. Oh yea, food and gas for H. The family never saw one cent.<P>Anyway, I documented everything. Used almost all my savings and bonus money to keep afloat. I arranged for a 3rd party (H's BIL) to serve a mediator. H walked out of that discussion. I had all my spreadsheets by the month of bills paid, monies received, etc. H had nothing by his word. Ended in a draw. <P>But that was the beginning of the end. I separated H's credit card bills on a separate account setup with the credit counselor's. I paid mine, he was suppose to pay his. H could not do that, have a life with OW, pay room rent and pay me back for his bills. Oh yes, I covered H medically and for auto insurance as well. Back taxes were paid by me and H owed me big time. <P>2 months later, H was down to almost nothing. It did not take long. OW tired all kinds of tactics to make his finances a non issue but to no avail. H came back for a number of reasons. <P>First and foremost reason, he needed to have his family back. Then he needed to keep his obligations. Third he needed to work on reestablishing his relationship with God. That is the current order he has set for himself to work on this marriage. I believe it should be in a different order but I am willing to work with what he can do. In my prayers, I ask that God help my H. <P>Money is a piece of reality that forces one to deal with the truth. It does not allow for any leeway. No grace period, no 2nd chance. You either pay or suffer the consquences. <P>Finance issues make it difficult for all of us. Talk to your lawyer or counselor and look for options. In my case I talked to my employer and there were several options at work that helped me out. My boss did not hold back from checking into every option for me. <P>We are barely getting back on our feet. If H sticks to his promise of working with his family, I see us getting through our financial difficulties. You see, during this whole time since H moved out (4+ months), I carried all the bills. H did give some money but it only covered his bills, insurance and taxes. Our rent, utilities, etc were all paid my me. <P>What they (WS) say and what we (BS) are often different. Nonetheless, the BS needs to keep focused and in control of the family's needs. <P>$$$$ talks. WS's have to listen. <P>L.

<P>{{{{{{{{{{ES HOPEFUL AND D}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>Prayers to you all<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hopeful1771:<BR><B>ES asked for the checkbook and mailbox key this evening. <BR>Does this mean he feels I am responsible for ALL the money problems. I probably am. Its all my fault that we are in the situation we are in. I am terrible at taking care of the bills. Not to mention I have a crappy job and make no major financial contribution to our home. Maybe it's better this way.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No other way to answer this: <B>ASK HIM</B>. This is where miscommunications/expectations/misunderstandings come in, you two!!<P>David and I filed BK, and I know what it's like to watch your car being towed away, your credit cards being cut up, and $1000 being given to an attorney that could have been used to pay some bills.<P>You have a clean slate now - but it's with a price -- and a stigma. But it is a clean slate. Be careful. Believe it or not, you'll begin to get notices like: "We'll finance you!" from car dealers... we got (literally) 15-20 of those, and did buy a car (Beware though, they're often "add-on" loans and VEEEERY COSTLY).<P>Money probs are HUGE problems in a marriage. I understand. Allow me to say something in the middle of this thread that will make some sense in a creepy sorta way: My fiance and I were discussing money this morning and I was very close to bursting into tears... why? It is such a HUMUNGOUS trigger for me... David and I did the WORSE job with money - BOTH of us, though to hear him tell it, it was me alone (be careful of that ES). My fiance is very good with money, and I've told him, just tell me what to do and I'll do it (with regard to money). But I was weepy and shaking the entire conversation. Don't let the money problems be the main focus, especially now that you've filed. You have a bit of a reprieve now -- go with it.<P>NOW, work on the marriage again... together.<P>Love you both,<P>Sheryl<P>