I find myself quite depressed this weekend. W (WS) out of town and not much contact with her. I have been thinking a lot, and shedding a few tears. <P>Perhaps I should have been writing down my thoughts since the beginning of this. I plan to do a catch-up post in a personal journal to see if that helps to crystalize any thoughts I have. Then try to post every day. I have never done this before.<P>Have any others here kept a journal and has it been helpful in any way? <P>

I havn't kept a daily journal, but I do write him a number of letters. I do not mail them or even give them to him. But, when I find myself in the situations you are speaking of, it really seems to help to get my thoughts and feelings down on paper.<P>good luck,<BR>sun

Hi Elad,<P>I found that keeping a journal has been therapuetic for me. Especially at the beginning. I now post by the month. At the beginning it was by the hour. <P>The journal is two-fold in its benefits. 1 for me and the other to remind me of where H's mind and actions were. There have been instances where I have referred back to the journal to show H what he said and did at specific times. I even used my journal in one of our counseling sessions. <P>Written proof is good but not always 100% admissable. However, it is better than relying on memory. Especially when one is in the fog and lives in 'I don't know' land, their recall is pretty warped. <P>I recommend keeping a journal. <P>L.

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 11:10 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I keep one too..it helps me deal with things and sort out my thoughts when they are all so jumbled up..but it's mostly<BR>letters to God about how I feel inside..I vent and cry and<BR>laugh..and argue...but it helps to know that He loves me anyway..and He wants to know what I am thinking and feeling..

Elad,<P>I wrote in a journal for quite a long time after discovery. It was a great way to "purge". I'd sit down to write and have no idea what was going to come out. Sometimes, I'd even make a "revelation" to myself with something that I'd written.<P>Initially, alot of what I wrote were letters to my thenH. Many were love letters and some were, I'm sure, big LBs, as I was purging alot of my anger and resentment. Also, tried to "teach" and "educate" him, too, about how to do the "right thing" from my perspective. Some of my writings described the bewilderment and loss of understanding I had at what was happening and why.<P>I initially invited my thenH to read the journal if he chose to. He did. Yet, he never, ever commented on it to me at all, though I klnow that he read it. Eventually, I no longer needed to journal and stopped. Please do try it, you really have nothing to lose. <P>Take care, Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Can you please tell me how you keep a journal on the computer and have it password protected? You can email me the info at runswithclouds@yahoo.com. I would appreciate it. I am a big journal writer, it is how I work well through my emotions and feelings. I used to keep tons of them, but had to throw them all away when I found that my husband had actually been reading through them. He would then use any information I had written down in my journal, my private thoughts, against me-which I believe is wrong. So, I have no outlet any longer. Please help.

I not only wrote in a journal...<P>I kept track of what I wrote HERE!<P>Do you realize we pour out our hearts and souls on these boards?? All the details with dates and times...<P>Maybe print out some things from here, put them in a notebook and go from there -- adding pages from here as you go??

I started writing almost immediately when I found out. Most were little 3-4 sentence entries...5-6 times a day. I would also write letters to him. When I read books on recovering, I would write down pertinent stuff and then expound on it. I found the Relationship Rescue Workbook by Dr. Phil to be an enormous help because I really thought about answers. I say journal all you can.<BR>T

I think it is just wrong that he would read your journal! Does he have any respect for privacy?

I too keep a journal of my thoughts and feelings. I don't write in it very often. I once considered how I'd feel if, say, 10 years down the road, I looked back at my journal. What would I think of it? Would I really want that much of a reminder of my pain? Would I want my children to see my journal and see that their mother was in such emotional pain? So I try to minimize writing in it about the EMR and marriage problems unless I really need a release. I keep a separate journal for every-day thoughts - hopes, dreams, ideas, etc.<P>My H is free to read my journal. There is nothing in it so private that he cannot look at it. I might not *want* him to read it, because some of the things that I've written (e.g., wondering what my life would have been like had I given into the temptation and had an EMR with the single guy) are somewhat unsavory and hurtful. But he has the right to know what's going on in my mind w/ respect to that.<P>Now mind you, my H reveals nothing of himself. He is a very private, secretive person. But I promised myself that just because he hides a lot of stuff doesn't mean that I have to do the same. <P>belld