Hi everyone:<BR>I need advice from some of you who have been through this. My H and I are separated at his emphatic determination and he is determined that the marriage is "over" and has been for a long time. He is also is a relationship with OW who is also married...Plan A has been ignored and in fact he tells me on a consistent basis (because we have 3 great kids that we have to talk about all the time)that is it over. For instance asking me if the lipstick in our truck is mine (which he knows full well it is not)...and telling me his personal life is none of my business when I ask him what time he is leaving work to pick up the kids...anyway that being said. I have maintained with him that my goal is to continue to do my best to "save" this marriage ...while he rolls his eyes, etc, etc. Yesterday we were talking when he came to pick up the kids and the conversation came around to us AGAIN, and after he stated his goal for his life, I stated my goal for the marriage..he out of the blue consented to going to a counselor we had both seen before..he says it is purely to get me to psychologically let go of him so we can "move on"....could I use this as an advantage to "saving" the marriage..am I reading too much into this...should I even go to this session??????Please help...session is Monday May 7...thanks to everyone for their love and support through these trying times...this forum has also given me the ability to share with others and get out of myself...spiritually and emotionally uplifting to <BR>be able to share...<P>kb3<BR>

Hi,<P>I would say absolutely to go to the session. What have you got to lose? If the counselor is worth 2 cents it will have a positive affect in SOME way. Even if it doesn't save your marriage it might help you to deal with the pain and assist your ability to parent together.<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by peppermint:<BR><B>Hi,<P>I would say absolutely to go to the session. What have you got to lose? If the counselor is worth 2 cents it will have a positive affect in SOME way. Even if it doesn't save your marriage it might help you to deal with the pain and assist your ability to parent together.<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Peppermint:<P>Thanks...good sound advice...K<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kabee3:<BR><B><BR>..he out of the blue consented to going to a counselor we had both seen before..he says it is purely to get me to psychologically let go of him so we can "move on"....</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>One thing I've seen suggested is to say something like "I want to learn where I fell short as a spouse so that I can become a better person and do better in relationships in the future." This can be an opening to find out about LBs you committed, ENs you didn't meet, so that you can be more effective in Plan A. The key is that it's a way the WS can discuss such things with you without the implication that they are committing to work on your relationship, which is something a WS will usually not do.<P>I don't know how long you've been here, but I always suggest reading the concepts (see the "Concepts" link above), and have several of the Harley books, which are also good. Hopefully your counselor is pro-marriage; not all of them are. If you can't find one who is there is MB phone counseling, which I've heard is excellent.<P>Even if your H won't participate it could be worth it to have a session or two for you. The key to me is whether your counselor has a plan for restoring your marriage which you have confidence in. This would probably mean at least some sessions separate from your H.<P>Hopefully you'll be fortunate and find this counselor to be helpful, since your H has agreed to go. Anyway, those are my thoughts.<P>Best wishes,<P>Steve<P>

Hi Kabee3,<P>I know exactly what you are experiencing. I've also told my W that I love her and want to work on the marriage. She has told me to give up and move on. She even (after the fact) told me that she went to counseling only to get me better. That being said, I would still definitely go to counseling. The counselor can make you feel better, and maybe even help your husband. <P>Don't read too much into his going to counseling, BUT IMO, he must still care for you - otherwise, why should he care where you are psychologically?? Hang in there. This is one of the toughest times in our lives. I don't know where the strength comes from each day, but it does come. Go to counseling.<P>S&C<p>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited May 07, 2001).]