Sorry this is not really a question. I just need to vent alittle. I had a horrible weekend. for starters i got depressed friday morning, so i called in to work. And slept most of the day. I dont know why but my depression was really high this weekend and my anxiety was really bad. I drove by my stbx's apartment like a million times. And saturday night i drove by at 10pm and the lights were out and her car was there. I know here well so i know that she was not asleep. So my imagination started running wild, and paranioia set in.. I was thinking what if that OM really left his wife, and my wife is out with him on a saturday night? Then the rational side kicked in... well lots of her friends from work have been trying to get her to go out with them to a club, maybe she went with them. Either way i was a mess all weekend.<BR>I turned off my cell phone and turned the ringer off of my home phone and stayed in the house all weekend. Other than the obsessive trips down the road past her apartment.<BR>I really do think I am losing my mind. Cause part of me really doesnt want her back, i just dont want her to be with the guy that she was talking to during our marriage.<P>Sorry to ramble about nothing. I dont have to many people to talk to so i can usually never get this all out.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Bioman,<P>Trust me, its okay to ramble. I do it alot these days. I compeletly empathize with your feelings regarding your W. Been there, done that, still doing it!! <P>I don't mean to pry, but you say that part of you really don't want her back. However, if she were to come out of the fog (soon), would you still try to to make your marriage work? I think (based on my interpretation from your posts) that you still love her. <P>S&C

Oh i do love her, and yes i would take her back. But there would be alot of work on her part, Im part to blame for the problems in the marriage I know. But i have told her a million times that I am willing to do anything to work things out.<BR>My biggest problem is she is very obsessed with her looks and her body. And constantly works out at the gym all the time, and she expect me too also. And that if i dont then i am not be supportive and im not being a "team member" of the marriage.<BR>So she would have alot to work on if she was to come out of the "Fog". Her "Fog" is a little more than just wanting to be with the OM. She really has some problems that she ignores, and no one can tell her that she is doing wrong cause she thinks they are crazy.<BR>She has told me many times, that anyone that says that she works out too much, is just lazy and doesnt want to take care of their bodies. So she confronts everyone that says anything about it. So yes i love her, just not that part of her.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

BioMan - ya gotta make yourself stop driving by her place. If she becomes aware that you're trying to keep tabs on her it'll just be a big LB and just make things worse. I know it's hard, but try to find a distraction. Go find Private Lies by Pittman - you'll pass some time and learn some stuff, too.<P>WAT

Bioman, <BR>Sorry to hear your weekend did not go well. I totally understand your action and feeling. Some times our imagination just kill us so slowly. <BR>My husband is going to move out soon, according to the situation we are facing today( you can see from my post "Monday morning pattern"). I think I will step in your shoes and I don't think I will able to stop myself either. Weekend is always the hardest both for the WS and BS. You are doing pretty well though, since you did not knock on her door or keep calling her every 5 min.. Are you in plan-B ? When my WH move out, I will really be in trouble. He is planing to move to the mother-in-law house next to the one we are living now. We share the drive way and I will able to see every thing frim here. I told him that is not a good idea to slow kill me like that. He said - I will not pay 700 dollars to somebody else since I have a place to move to. So, the hell is waitting for me.<BR>Hanging there and I hope you feel better today!<BR>