Message Removed, Only Because Ken THINKS He Is So Smart (If only he knew)!!!!!!!!!!<p>[This message has been edited by gz1234 (edited July 11, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by gz1234:<BR><B>Last week it was finally confirmed to me about an affair I had suspected for some time between my wife of 16 years and an x-friend of ours.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I hate to say this, but it sounds like you are screwed, glued, and tattooed. <P>a) she has an affair (ongoing, probably)<BR>b) she has you arrested when you get angry about her affair<BR>c) just after the new dream house closes, she has you barred from the house and initiates divorce/separation.<BR>d) it's a big mortgage<P>Mortgage, child support, perhaps alimony. You'll be lucky to open a can of beans every day. I would offer the suggestion that there is near constant planning being made between your wife and the OM (as happened to me, btw).<P>Have you considered hiring an investigator to determine if her affair is ongoing? Have you talked with an attorney to see how exposed you've left your derriere?<P>You may need to produce evidence to dispell the fog. Having all her dirty laundry on public record (depositions, trial) may be the only way...<P>Plan A/B doesn't work when they're busy castrating the rest of your life. And your arrest will be used by her guilty conscience to convince her that you are a monster, justifying about anything.<P>Bama

You are in a tough situation.<P>My husband called the county social services department, and told them I was suicidal. That was on a Thursday in December a couple of years ago. I wasn't suicidal! I was knee deep in fabric and sewing - hurrying to get my Christmas gifts done. <P>Then on Friday night he disclosed - "an almost mistake".... It really through me for a loop - yes I knew, but for him to start to admit it, and then for me to go through his telephone logs later at work - and to know WHY he told me, (he wanted out, and wanted custody - and if I was mentally incapable then he could get it...)<P>So, I was in a tough situation when it was confirmed, also.<P>You can get past this. Really, you will not always feel this way.<P>Don't put yourself in jeopardy with the legal system. Get a good lawyer to defend yourself. In the meantime, be good to yourself and do not lovebust.<P>You'll get a lot of support here, post often.<P>TNT

It looks as if your wife is going to be playing hardball. You need to protect yourself. It might be with a PI or talking to a lawyer but you really need to watch what you do & say around her & your children. YOur children need to know that you have not left them. Prayers for all of ya'll.

gz1234:<P>"strictly "non-physical."" - Oh, well, that's all right then.<P>"The next day when I showed up it quickly turned "heated" and one step beyond." - Okay be honest. Nobody here knows you. Has it ever gotten physical before? At All?<P>"I made a statement to her that I felt like I could harm him at the present time." I've thought the very same thing but never said it out loud. You're not abnormal given the facts.<P>"She freaked. She wound up calling the police" You must have scared her. Some people who threaten do follow through.<BR>"Imagine my surprise when she was in the courtroom the next morning with the states attorney. After determining my bail they asked for another Order of protection throught the end of the month over her and our 4 children ages 15, 14, 10 & 8. She unfortunately received it..."<P>Wow. She either is truly afraid, or is an opportunist who saw an opening and walked through it. Now she can turn to her "friend" for comfort, succor, sympathy and understanding. Has she behaved in a cynical, opportunistic manner in your 16 year marriage at other times? <P>Right now protect yourself, as the other folks here have said, get a good lawyer. This is not the time to be passive and allow her to make all the decisions. Take advantage of your imposed separation to work on yourself and become centered and desirable to her again. Desperate is not attractive. Healthy, centered, happy, IS.<P>Don't talk to her sister if you need to vent or ask questions. Don't impose contact on your wife, don't contact the "friend". If you need to vent come HERE. We're patient.<P>You'll be okay, really! Read some of the posts of people whose spouses are coming out of the fog. (CJack and Rejected, to name 2) and everyone's favorite success story, lostva. I can't remember everyone else's screen names, but MB principles are sound. Make MB your corner pub.<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Looney Belle aias Bellevue