As I stated on another thread, I am doing a bit of emotional-baggage packing, and I would like to take the time to offer a proper thank-you to you for the gifts you have given me:<P><B>Lostva</B>, you are forgiveness and grace all rolled up into a pretty blond ball of love... I sent heartfelt wishes for a loooooong and loving marriage to you and Robert.<P><B>Lor</B>, you have an understanding of me and my struggle that far exceeds anyone on earth... because you have *been here*... you have the patience of a saint, and I consider you to be the winner of the contest none of us wanted to enter: wisdom borne of pain. I wish you and Guard many, many years of healing love.<P><B>soulloss</B>, the woman most likely to write a best-seller... you are the most prolific, deeply engrossing woman I have ever met... and one of the most beautiful, inside and out, people I have the privilige of knowing...<P>and <B>TheStudent</B>, you are smart, and deep, and caring, and someone very special. You always speak your truth, and I respect you immensely.<P>I love each of you for so many more reasons than I could ever list...<P>You are the one's who have proven what it means to rebuild your lives, whether it be as married women or single women...<P>You are all awesome women.<P>Thank you for reaching out to me.<P>((((Lostva, Lor, soulloss, TheStudent))))<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Also, there are sooooooo many who have touched my life here, and I know I run the risk of hurting some feelings by leaving someone out... sigh... it didn't even occur to me until AFTER I posted it...<P>it is NEVER my intention to do that... EVER.<P>I have been touched by so many, so very many... <P><B>Peppermint,Terri, TnT, CB, Truthseeker, Sheba...</B>to name just a few.<P>I just would never want anyone to feel left out... so please forgive me if it seems I have.<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited May 07, 2001).]

I'm glad if I have been of any help, and love right back at ya, Sheryl!

Damn, woman, you just keep making me cry!<P>I love you, too. And you know how very much I wish you peace and happiness.<P>Love,<P>Lori

NB,<P>Well, I was kind of coaxed over here from EN, you bad girl!!<P>Smart...well, there's book smarts and there is life smarts. Book smarts I've got plenty of...life smarts...well, if I had more of that I'm sure I wouldn't be here.<P>I'm glad I've been able to help you. I'm like castor oil, huh? Tastes yucky going down but you know it's good for you, and it helps the bad stuff come out the other end

HEY!! What about the guys!!?? HMMM????<P>Or is the a touchy feely chick thread <P>TS,<BR>Castor oil!!?? ROTFLMAO!!! LOL LOL<P>Give yerself a big hug from me!!<P>Bill

OH where, OH where is...<P><B>soulloss</B>????<P>Hope she shows up!!<P><B>Bill</B>, you're a dork! <p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited May 07, 2001).]

LOL LOL LOL<P>Bill's a dork! LOL LOL <P>At least you didn't call him a poopie-head this time, Sheryl! LOL<P>Mitzi

Up for soulloss

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by new_beginning:<BR><B><P>soulloss</B>, the woman most likely to write a best-seller... you are the most prolific, deeply engrossing woman I have ever met... and one of the most beautiful, inside and out, people I have the privilige of knowing...<P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><B>Hi Sheryl</B><P>are you saying that I gross you out??<P><I>I wanna be a dork too...</I><P><BR>ohhhhhhh...engrossing.....(you have no idea all the puns that are running through my head...I...must.....resist...)<P>more like self-engrossed, my friend....but I'm trying to do better <P>I can't believe I'm there with the Hall-of-Famer women...YIKES......<P><BR>(I've had the following ready since I was 8):<P>I'd like to thank the Academy....<BR>and my mom....<P>but really, sheryl, being your friend is one of those 'easy' things in life....you are just so gosh-derned intoxicating as a human being....you are a genuinely nice person on a planet with so few of those <I>(many reside here...amazing what you can find in the midst of pain)</I>...<P>this whole experience 'tarnishes' some of us....we never look at the world in quite the same 'way' ever again...that blind faith in humanity wavers......the mistrust extends to beyond your WS, and to the community, etc...you have at times, a 'darker' view of it all, when once you could see the light and beauty ....<P>and I ramble........<P>we're jaded....but then people like yourself, and oh so many others we could name here come along, and you start to laugh every so often, you share your pain and your wounds, and then they share theirs...and the most amazing thing happens....you really do realize that you're not alone, that your paranoias, faults, insecurities, fears, joys and deepest secrets are indeed shared by others.....<P>awwww......{{{{{{{{{{{{group hug}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>some of us just 'bond'....we have all posted or read about how this is like a family, of sorts, how it is NOT JUST A MESSAGE BOARD...it becomes more....we actually get involved in peoples' lives!..we have the ability to provoke either anger or thought...we can 'touch' other people....that's pretty cool <P>and at times, we pull back.....we lurk, or take our breaks...some posts just pull us back in...we learn through experience, to let go of this place when we need to.....but we always come back.....even if only once a year...<P>Sheryl, you've been through the whole gamut and back around...I've seen most of it here on this board, some of it in private with you, lots of fun and giggles on the phone...you're what I personally dub 'Special'...<P>your courage and your strength...heck!...even your salmon whip!!, I find inspirational..... <P>where else could I have found a fountain-Jim Croce-Helen Reddy-John Lennon-loving, (and all the other stuff) soul-sister like you???<P>I love you Sheryl....now do what JL said....get through your baggage, pack it up, and then let's go toss it over a bridge somewhere....<P>it is time for you to put the 2x4 that you have been using on yourself down.....slooowly back away from the 2x4....you can do it Sheryl!!!....<P>there are better ways to do this...<P>come my friend, pull up a chair.....come sit and talk..it's been a while...<P><B>Hi DeWayne !</B><P>so, Sheryl, what's new....<P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

well... what is new...<P>...feeling down today... the baggage gets heavy...<P>I've decided that I'm going to change my name and continue posting here as I begin to **actually** rebuild my life, which will include a new marriage. I'll be "Sheryl with an S"... clever, doncha think?<P>I get to see my kids at the end of the month, and I'm taking my fiance with me to have a good visit with them... he's never met them in person, so we're both very nervous and excited...<P>I will see my Nana, and that's super important because she's turning 90 this year, has a lot of memory and health problems, and I love her dearly. She keeps calling fiance "David" -- which is not her fault or anything -- but for some reason it's sad to me.<P>David is being a butt-wipe. I could go into a total B!tchfest about the man, but I won't... he is making my life (even over the miles) difficult. I could wring his neck.<P>I'm doing so much better in some ways, and so much worse in others. I wish I could put my finger on the reason. I'm sure **people** have their own ideas, and that's okay. For me though, I think it has to do with finding some kind of balance as I sort through all the baggage. I am remembering so much bad about my past-marriage that I had truly buried. Honestly, it was abusive in many ways -- but I'd forgotten. I'm not talking revisionist history, I'm talking my friends and family pointing out things I'd forgotten or "blanked out" for my sanity... hateful, ugly things about my ex, who could be so sweet too... the mark of an abuser, I am told.<P>I am in constant turmoil lately, and I don't like it. I feel like a failure and a loser. I want to be happy, but as a friend once said to me:<P>You want to be what? ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... and the haha's lasted for three email pages. Illusive, that.<P>And then I have moments of complete bliss and comfort... and feel guilty for it. What's with that? But I think you might understand... we **all** do to a point, do we not?<P>So, thank you for asking how I'm doing...<P>...not too well at the moment... but it will get better... I know it will.<P>Love you (a happy face is sooooo much easier to make on the computer lately than in real life)<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by new_beginning:<BR><B><P>I get to see my kids at the end of the month, and I'm taking my fiance with me to have a good visit with them... he's never met them in person, so we're both very nervous and excited...<P>David is being a butt-wipe. I could go into a total B!tchfest about the man, but I won't... he is making my life (even over the miles) difficult. I could wring his neck.<P>...I think it has to do with finding some kind of balance as I sort through all the baggage. I am remembering so much bad about my past-marriage that I had truly buried. Honestly, it was abusive in many ways -- but I'd forgotten. I'm not talking revisionist history, I'm talking my friends and family pointing out things I'd forgotten or "blanked out" for my sanity... hateful, ugly things about my ex, who could be so sweet too... the mark of an abuser, I am told.<P>I am in constant turmoil lately, and I don't like it. I feel like a failure and a loser. <P>And then I have moments of complete bliss and comfort... and feel guilty for it. What's with that? <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>sigh........I wish I had the time to address all this really completely.....<P>the visit with your kids will be rejuvenating and energizing...they prob are just as nervous and excited as you are...remember, they too, long to see a 'happy' mom...it has been quite a few years since they have had that pleasure.......<P>as for butt-wipeness, well, there is not much I can comment about...until he gets the help he needs, he will always be the same man, with the same problems...as long as he no longer 'carves' pieces of himself out, what can you be expected to do from 1000 miles away?<P>some people just do not want to help or heal themselves, Sheryl..and that HUGE albatross is one you need to disengage from around your neck....HE needs help.....you cannot help him...he needs to seek it out when he finally recognizes that his life will not change until he himself begins that change..<P>taking off those rose-colored glasses can be painful, my friend...quite painful when you see it all through the regular light of day...you have taken many blinders off, and yes, probably do need to sort through the baggage...you have spent a great deal of time blaming yourself for alot of things, deflecting D's own guilt and blame..etc...and it can come as a great shock when others have to remind you of things that have happened to you, that you, as a safety mechanism, blocked away.....far away......<P>You KNOW you haven't started your new life...you stll have to say 'good-bye- to the old one.....do what you need to do, say what you need to say....EXORCISE it...just don't projectile vomit pea soup..thanks....<P>your journey to happiness can begin when your demons are put to rest..remember, we bring our baggage with us..unless we heave it over a bridge, or park it somewhere near a demolition site..lol<P>growing pains, Sheryl.....you are having growing pains...<P>I know ALL about feeling like a loser and a failure...still do.....but time will show me differently....<P>you, however, have a man that loves you, children who wish only for your true personal happiness, and a wonderful human spirit...<P>you are just bruised a little right now....time takes care of that too......bruises fade, and in a little while, you can't even see or feel them anymore....<P>being jobless, friendless and alone much of the day in a new town, new country is also something you need to adjust to...remember that....none of this is a piece of cake...I still feel you are being unnecessarily hard on yourself right now...you have much to adjust to....I think your expectations for yourself are a tad unreasonable...<P>you feel guilty about being happy because of the deep psychological conditioning we all have... you may still believe, deep down, that your happiness has come at the expense of another.......but, we DO know the truth about that, do WE not????<P>now......Deut and I are looking for a nice little ontario town to move to.....any jobs in yours?...lol...<P>love you...here if you need me.<P>Dylan<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

<<being jobless, friendless and alone much of the day in a new town, new country is also something you need to adjust to...remember that....none of this is a piece of cake...I still feel you are being unnecessarily hard on yourself right now...you have much to adjust to....I think your expectations for yourself are a tad unreasonable>><P>Sheryl,<P>You are being way too hard on yourself. Forget all that you have been through, Dylan said it all above, just those factors make life hard & when you have that other baggage along well it makes it even worse. I KNOW. <P>go to this site:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.comfortqueen.com/cardsend.html?43" TARGET=_blank>http://www.comfortqueen.com/cardsend.html?43</A> <P> if it doesn't show just this card on tenderness, go to the group called be kind to your self, then the card for tenderness, <P>I may not be the Card Fairie but the LB fairie likes to make people smile.

Thank you sing <tear><P>I needed this today!!!!<P>

Well, Sheryl, I'm incredibly disappointed that my name wasn't in the title spot... but I'll try to cope <P>Hang in there... it might even just be the changing seasons getting you. I know that I'm on the edge of an abyss of exhaustion - and I have a friend who is very needy right now... dunno how I am going to cope with helping her cope, but I WILL do it, and I won't fall apart (i won't fall apart ... i won't fall apart ... i won't fall apart ... i won't ...)<P>You'll be ok. <P><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

you are welcome.<P>hey, i am good at getting rid of excess baggae, when we moved, I took 5 FULL loads of my Windstar to the women's shelter. They got to be glad to see my van coming. Then I just pulled stuff to the end of the driveway, & people drove by & took what they wanted, the trash truck stayed at my house 20 minutes going through the stuff before they trashed it. Then the guys who were doing some repairs took a trailor load of trash to the duump for me. okay I was/am a pack rat<P>If I am coming back to the states to live this summer I most likely got rid of too much but you know I sure am glad I don't have to deal with it. I except I will be throwing more away when I unpack, I may need to start on this house, bet I only get another 20 ft container going home,even though we haven't bought much here than can go back, what can I get rid of ...... all of H's stuff...... <p>[This message has been edited by sing (edited May 10, 2001).]

Hi <B>Terri</B>, and Hi again <B>sing</B>,<P>You guys really make me smile! <P><B>Terri</B>,<P>Yes, I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and take Zoloft (although I've taken Prozac and Xanax in the past)... and will have to until probably the end of May. I hate it! I wish I could *get past it* but alas, it seems that I can't do it alone. I need some help! Oh well...<P>I'm sorry you're feeling a bit like falling apart... how well I understand...<P>Love to you both!!<P>

Hi <B>Sheryl -</B> Maybe it's time for you to re-live your old motto for a few days:<P><B>STOP-REST-WAIT-DO NOTHING</B><P>--DeWayne--

ah <B>DeWayne</B>,<P>Yeah, throw my words back at me!! <P>You're right, <B>of course</B>!!!<P>Love ya (in the most platonic way, of course)

<B>Sheryl - </B>(Oh, I forgot, <B>Master</B> ) I just figured it had been a while since you had heard those words. You are pretty wise, dontcha think?