I've read Dr. Haleey's information of infidelity as an addiction, and my husband is no different. he can't decide what to do, and even though he stops seeing OW for periods of time, he is in a band with her and it just perpetuates the problem. I know from emails I've found he tells her he loves her and wants things to work for them, and I have told him it is obvious to me he has made his choice and that I am moving on with my life. I gave him til the end of the month to move out, but he hasn't done so, and he doesn't seem to be making plans to do so. He never mentions divorce any longer, and he rarely discusses moving out--I am convinced he doesn't want to leave, but he doesn't want to give her up either. I cannot show him the info on infidelity as an addiction, because I don't believe he would be receptive, and he would only deny that that is him. This is driving me crazy though as I am put through pain and heartbreak daily--she even had the nerve to call my home the other day! I know he is telling her he is going to leave and build a life with her, and I know she feels entitled to my husband. When he is with her, he may even believe it himself. But eventually, he misses me and comes back, but then he freaks out and wants her, and we cannot move forward. I am stuck, and want him to choose, and then move on with our lives. What can I do???<P>He moved out in January b/c of his feelings for her--affair went full-blown in February, in March he came home to work things out, but quickly freaked and hasn't known what he's doing ever since.<P>We've been together 9 years, and married nearly 2. We have a 5 yr old daughter.

Anais,<P>I wish I knew the answer to your question. My W also has the addiction. How else would you explain over 100 outgoing calls to OM on cell phone (not counting incoming calls) in one month. Unfortunately, my W seems to have made her decision. She wants a divorce, which is something I absolutely do NOT want. I still love her and desperately want her to beat her addiction. I just don't know how to do it. I am Plan A-ing the best I can. It is very frustrating because I see no results. However, everyone keeps saying that time is the key. Its really hard, I know. But if the people here at this board are right (and i think that they are) then you need to set up a good Plan A and wait out the storm. That is if you still want your marriage. 9 years and 1 kid is a big investment.<P>good luck<BR>S&C<P>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited May 08, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited May 08, 2001).]

thanks for replying sad and confused--anyone know how to set up good plan A??<BR>

First go buy the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. Go to the start of this webpage and read all the information available there. And finally, the Harley's are available for phone counseling. <P>I would post these as links, but I am still not very good at it. Perhaps some of the other folks can provide the appropriate links in their responses.<P>S&C