After 2 month of plan-A,I think my WH is moving out soon. My paln is keep doing plan-A for another month after that and going to plan-B.<BR>At this turning point,I really need your input on some qiestions in order to make sure I will handle things right.<P>1. How far should him/me move?<BR>His idea is that he will move into the Mother-in-Law house. I do not think it is a good idea. It's only 50 yards away from our main house and even share the same drive way and garage, I can see if the light is out every night( what a torture that will be!). But he is not willing to spend the rent since there is a free M-in-law house to move into.<P>2. Should I move out or should my WS move out in plan B ?<BR> According the post I have been reading in MB. Most of you will think the WS should move out. But if he move to a new place, won't that also mean a new start for him ? And that is what he want( a new wife, a new life). If he stay in our house with my absent, the memory of us in the house will remind him how much he miss me and also remind him the plan-A stuff I have been doing. <P>3. If he move out, how many stuff should I let him take with him?<BR>What I am thinking is that making him struggle to make the new place livable. If he want start a new life some where else, then do it. But our home is not a bank, every time he need some stuff(books, tools, do laundry, use the PC...)he will have to deal with it himself outside of the house he abandoned. Is that too much ? <P>4. When I am ready for plan-B,will is be a good idea, if I move back to my family over sea( Taiwan)? Will that be too far ?<BR>Out of sight is out of mind. Plus I am thinking if he is thinking about coming back to me then, I will be so far away. Even when he's mind star to swing I am too far to reach him.<P>In my WH's perfect world, he is thinking moving into the house 50yards away and he can still have the convenience of living home. The best part is he will have all the time he wants to see the OW or sleeps in her bed.<BR>What a mess! Really need your help here. May God bless you all.

Have you ever counseled with the Harley's??<P>I would suggest you do that before you begin a Plan B effort...<P>They can be reached through this website... find out about it here --<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A>.<P>Your questions are valid, but I think some professional help to sort it all out would be in order now...<P>Best wishes...<BR>

I did have couple session with Steve already. it does help!<BR>I think I will try to set one up soon, but still like to hear different opinions. <BR>Thank you NB.

How about a plan A with minimal contact? Sounds like you are hanging in there pretty well, actually - Do it as long as you can!<P>How long have you been in Plan A? The length matters - but also the QUALITY matters. Some people have done plan A for as long as 2 years.<P>If there are lovebusters, then it isn't quality. I agree with NB, before you go to plan B make sure you give the counseling center a call.<P>TnT

I agree with the others. Make sure you speak to a counselor first before taking any drastic steps. I would also start with Modified Plan A first.<P>1. How far should him/me move?<BR>His idea is that he will move into the Mother-in-Law house. >><BR>I would tell him no. If he wants to move out he can't have ot both ways. He has to move somewhere else. My H didn't start coming out of the fog until he had been living with the OW for 6-8 weeks.<P>2. Should I move out or should my WS move out in plan B ?<BR> According the post I have been reading in MB. Most of you will think the WS should move out.>>>><P>He should move out. But since I suggest modified Plan A for now, keep the home a safe, welcoming place for him. I always made it clear that this was H's home.<P><<But if he move to a new place, won't that also mean a new start for him ? And that is what he want( a new wife, a new life). >>>><P> When my H moved out I would invite him over for dinner and he woul dcome over to do things around the house. I always made sure the fridge was stocked with his favorite things. I knew how he liked to live and what made him comfortable. The OW didn't. The longer he was gone, the more he missed me.<P>3. If he move out, how many stuff should I let him take with him?<BR>What I am thinking is that making him struggle to make the new place livable. If he want start a new life some where else, then do it. But our home is not a bank, every time he need some stuff(books, tools, do laundry, use the PC...)he will have to deal with it himself outside of the house he abandoned. Is that too much ? >>>><P>I agree. My H never tried to take anything but clothes, and he only took enough to last about a week at a time. Anything that I considered joint possessions would have had to stay here until the court decided who they belonged to. He did take one of the dogs, which caused a huge fight. He said he was "lonely in his empty apartment" which of course didn't exist since he was living with OW. He showed up here at 3 am that night with the dog. Said the dog wouldn't sleep and kept pacing around. Hee hee. Guess the OW wasn't a big dog fan. Then he spent the rest of the night here with me. Bet there was trouble in paradise the next day!<P>4. When I am ready for plan-B,will is be a good idea, if I move back to my family over sea( Taiwan)? Will that be too far ?>>>> <BR>I wouldn't do that unless you have decided it's really over. Lots of the WS do come around but making them cross vast distances isn't going to make it any easier for anyone.<P><<n my WH's perfect world, he is thinking moving into the house 50yards away and he can still have the convenience of living home. >>>><P>My H was the same way in a sense. He could still come and go as he pleased. Showed up here fairly often in the middle of the night because he was "more comfortable" sleeping in our bed. He moved in and out afew times. Finally I was ready for Plan B after one of his 2 days here then gone again moves. I told him there was no revolving door on this house and I was too tired to do this anymore. I said I love you and the door is open but the next time it better be for good. Then I told him no contact until he'd made a decision. Then he wouldn't leave! He called off work (this was early in the morning) and started puttering around the house. I finally more or less pushed him out the door. He called for the next 3 days. I screened the calls and didn't answer. Finally I picked up. The change in him was amazing. Within afew weeks he was home for good. We did end up being in contact those next few weeks but he knew where i stood. So I failed at Plan B, but modified Plan A with the threat of Plan B worked very well.<BR>

Thanks for your reply.<BR>I am in plan-A for 2 month now.<BR>I feel so down this couple days, just can not picture that my WH is going to have all the time he want to see her. I will come back latter to post my thoughts. I hope you out there can give me some more thought about my unusual situation.<BR>My fear is I will not able to stand that, I might fill a D right after he move out( he is also aware of that). For me, he having an A is enough , but if he move out in order to find some more time to see her that is totall unbearable.I konw a lot of you have done that , I just can not see how can I stand that. Should I see it in a different way? Can I do it? Should I do it? Need more patient??????