I was going back and remembering all of the things my wife said to me when i found out that she was liking this guy at the gym.<BR>And one thing struck me as funny.<BR>She told me "he helps me with my weights, and always spots me, and encourages me to workout harder. You never did that for me when we were in the gym"<BR>HUH???? <BR>Ya, i only cooked every night for her(she could not cook). And when we where DATING she got liposuction on her A** and i helped take care of her. Like Whiping her A** cause she could not move. And I helped change the dressings, and the drains.<BR>So i guess I know what is more important to her.<BR>It is stuff like that, that makes me wonder if I really want to be with someone like that. <BR>But I must be crazy cause i still love her.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Re: What your wife is doing when she says stuff like that...there's a fancy name for it...revisionist history.<P>Remember what you want to remember and rewrite the rest.<P>Sucks, doesn't it?<P>It usually begins with - "You never..." or "You always..."...<P>Blech.<P>Just know you're being heard this morning, BioMan.<P>... try to have a nice day anyhow...

The revisionist history thing drove me nuts too, and it still does. My H tends to revise things over and over. One day he'll say X, and then the next day he'll say Y. He has told me quite clearly, when he was with the XOW that he didn't love me anymore and that he wanted a divorce. But now he claims that he never said those things.<P>You don't forget something like that. It drives me crazy. I know that I'm NOT nuts.<P>My H swears not to remember saying many other things to me when he was with the XOW, but he did say very callous things that essentially gave me the impression that he was negating the entire marriage. At one time he said that it had been bad ever since we'd gotten married. That's not the story that he gave me at the time - he seemed very happy. He told me that I was the woman that he loved above all others, that he'd never felt that way about any other woman in his life. Now ... all of a sudden, all of this blame surfaced. I was to blame because I became depressed over my best friend's death. I was to blame because I didn't have a job that paid well enough. I was to blame because I didn't support my H when he was unemployed. Before and during the EMR, he became this big martyr and I was the evil demon. Never did it ever come into light that the first two years of our marriage he was, well, essentially a pothead who stayed home and got high all day. Or that he screamed obscenities at me and called me names to the point where I wanted to kill myself. Nope. It was all *my* fault. At least, that's what my ears heard and my heart felt.<P>The counseling he went to helped a lot, and even though he claims not to see it, I can tell that there is a distinct difference in his attitude. He's far less verbally abusive, it rarely happens anymore. But: If I hear "You always" or "You never" or any sentence beginning with the word "You" I sometimes feel that I will scream. So yes, I too get sooooo tired of being blamed for the problems in our marriage, when I know that I'm only responsible for 50 percent - if that. I'm sure that you all can relate!<P>belld

Reflecting....<P>A week ago my daughter started staying with us - she's contemplating a divorce - she has an abusive husband. So, we are talking to her on Saturday, and talking about her options....<P>She says she doesn't want the house because she knows he will not honor any boundaries. I tell her I can relate - as I remember my first date with my husband. It was a double date, and we were at my husband's house waiting for him to get his things together so we could go skiing. His X walked right in the house with the kids. I almost decided never to go out with him again, thinking he had bad boundaries with his X wife....<P>So I mentioned the story and my husband said to me right in front of my daughter that it was a lie, that she would never do anything like that.... !!! Unbelievable how memory can change.<P>By the way, we've been married 10 years, and X wife moved 2,000 miles to live 4 doors down from us over a year ago.... He sees nothing wrong with it! Amazing how memories can change....<P> <BR>

It is simply amazing the things they come up with, the more I read this site the more humor I find in my situation, it make me laugh to hear these things, My WS said I didn;t propose proper, I quess she forgot that I asked her dads permission to marry her and for his blessing, before I asked her. She also said, that the OM liked to go to the store with her, yeah!!! while I was cutting grass and watching the kids. But My favorite is THe OM helped me see that you never really loved me.