I'm rather new here and don't feel real comfortable trying to give advice. I've read some of your posts and know this is one of your concerns, neebies giving wrong advice. I have answered a few and refered some to read information on this site. I tried to be very careful with my replies not to overstep bounds of being a "neebie". <P>I've been reading, reading, reading. I think there is a lot of great information here. But, speaking for myself and probably other "neebies" we do need your help. I know that everyone has problems and I feel for them. I also know how it is to be going through confusion, hurt, pain and need to reach out for help. As most here are or have gone through.<BR>I also realize that finding time to help is a factor. <P>I have posted in here and gotten replies from some of you. I check for new or added advice as well as reading others.<BR>Just wanted you to know how much your time, effort, advice and support is appreciated. It also troubles me to see posts of people reaching out for help and seem to go unanswered. I had read that was also a concern.<P>I just wanted to Thank you Oldtimers for being here...and us Newbies do need and value your help.<BR> <P>

Hurtwife - I don't know if I'm an oldtimer or not. Regardless, I appreciate your concern with new folks not getting the responses it seems they deserve. I try real hard to keep up with the folks I've been posting with for months as well as reading every new poster to see if I have something to offer. Time is the critical factor - I spend more time here than I should. I frequently pass up responding if someone else has said what I would have just to be able to add my 2 cents somewhere else.<P>Regarding the quality of advice, I hope we all understand that we are not professionals in this field, and any advice given should be received with that in mind. Just being an old timer does not make advice bulletproof. It's easy to make the opposite conclusion - if you've been here that long, you must be doing something wrong. <P>WAT

WAT, you said "Just being an old timer does not make advice bulletproof. It's easy to make the opposite conclusion - if you've been here that long, you must be doing something wrong." <P>Geez, ouch! (not really taking it to heart, after 2 1/2 years here, I have tried to leave, but I keep coming back)<P>Hurtwife,<BR>Thank you for your lovely post...and I'm not even sure if I've replied to you or not. Even though you are a newbie, sometimes on painfilled threads, where it is difficult to find a reply, it's ok to send a hug, or a smile, or a "don't know what to say, but sending you good thoughts/prayers". I know during the worst of times I got many of those...and appreciated them and understood that I was traveling a part of the road not many others could address. <P>And, when you feel something has gone well for you, or you hope it will, those are good things to share as well.<P>Take care.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

worthatry:<P> RE: I try real hard to keep up with the folks I've been posting with for months as well as reading every new poster to see if I have something to offer. Time is the critical factor - I spend more time here than I should. I frequently pass up responding if someone else has said what I would have just to be able to add my 2 cents somewhere else.<P> *** Correct if I'm wrong. I'm not criticizing anyone, this appears to me to possibly been taken that way. I was commending people that do take their time for replies and also realize they others have problems and lives (not faulting anyone, that's life). <P><BR> RE: Regarding the quality of advice, I hope we all understand that we are not professionals in this field, and any advice given should be received with that in mind. Just being an old timer does not make advice bulletproof. It's easy to make the opposite conclusion - if you've been here that long, you must be doing something wrong. <P>I understand the nonprofessionals in this field, and except and appreciate advice taking this into consideration.<BR>I didn't perceive that being an old timer makes advice bulletproof, nor have I made the opposite conclusion. I just thought since they are more likely more familiar of the concepts, site and information therein this is an benefit us neebies have yet to obtained. <P>Sorry, if I offended anyone, that wasn't my intent or purpose of post, maybe I shouldn't have posted.<P>I was referring originally to some of concerns and things I had read in<BR> "To the "Old-Timers" - An Alarming Trend<P><BR>[This message has been edited by Hurtwife (edited May 09, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Hurtwife (edited May 09, 2001).]

Hurtwife - don't you dare apologize!! I was not offended - I just took to heart that I know that we should spread our compassion and treat newcomers with all the compassion I was treated with in the beginning.<P>My comment about the quality of advice was meant to be more self deprecation than anything else. Perhaps a poor attempt at light humor.<P>WAT

I'm guessing that Dave was just trying to be funny... hence the <P>I do realize that there are new people who post here and aren't getting the "attention" that they might need---but this does get to be a time sink. I've been back here in a full-time mode for a month or so, and I'm going to need to fade back to "infrequent" soon.<P>It's the way of this volunteer work...<P>Thanks for the nice post, too!

Lor (Lor):<BR> <P>Geez, ouch! (not really taking it to heart, after 2 1/2 years here, I have tried to leave, but I keep coming back)<P>I didn't mean to imply anything offending. Maybe I'm perceiving this wrong. <P><BR>Thank you and I can understand what you are saying. I was trying to express gratitude for those of you that have been here for awhile in being here and trying to help others. <BR>

Hurtwife,<BR>I was tweaking WAT's post, and not taking offense to him either.<P>You did fine.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hurtwife}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Post if you want. Some of us oldies posted like quick-fingered, manical bandits when we were newbies, how do you think we got 2000+ posts? <P>If you've read through MB principles, you are free to post in agreement or disagreement, but a newbie should keep in mind this is Marriage Builders, and for those of us that are pro MB, divorce is not our first, or for some, not even the last option. And I think that is part of the concern when someone is not familiar with MB and gives advice that appears contrary to MB, and doesn't back it up with knowledge of MB. As in "s/he cheated on you, dump the bum". Not a MB statement and the poster will get a flurry of flames.<P>And I stick by that, even if you aren't fully MB aware, (even the oldies can slip sometimes when things aren't going so well) but commisserating or commenting on a thread that "speaks" to you is a fine response.<P>Keep posting, Hurtwife.

I've been back now about a week - and I too am shocked at some of the "comaraderie" going on amongst posters who say "I wouldn't take that crap", etc......<P>There is a forum for divorced and divorcing - and if they wouldn't take that crap they probably should go on over there and get whatever affirmation they need.<P>This IS a marriage builder site - and infidelity is a painful, and awful thing. It is the worse emotional pain there is. <P>The reason I am back is because of what I have read while lurking. I understand a good vent once in a while - and if you can't say anything that encourages the building of a marriage - then I would say "send hugs only". Believe me, even my closest friends and oldtimers here have suggested to me to "throw in the towel". If I wanted to throw in the towel I wouldn't be coming to marriage builders, would I?<P>And it paid off. I, TNT, Me, Myself and I are the ones that learned through the MB techniques. I learned how to set my sights on a goal - a relationship goal, a long term goal - which taught me perseverence and patience - and gave me/forced me to learn new relationship skills.<P>So, when I see people responding to others in a way that does not help the poster build their marriage, then it really makes me want to shout, scream write tempest, etc.!!!! <P>Thanks for this thread, I am hoping this will help this board get back on track.<P>TnT