My H really feels angry and resentful about our relationship and what is wasn't thus leading to the A. He doesn't feel that he can overcome his resentment enough to reconcile. Is this a normal phase of his withdrawal? I feel such a loss when he speaks in these terms so today is not an easy one...

I am dealing with this same issue with my H. He chose to have an affair yet it is all my fault for not being the caring, loving, sex kitten he wanted me to be so he had to turn to someone else. Now, the whole world knows he is an adulterer and it is once again my fault. <P>I am in the 7th month of recovery and it is a long hard road. I cannot give you any advice as but can say I understand your question. I am glad your H is taking the time to resolve his anger before coming home again. If you read my thread you would understand that this is the best course of action for you right now. <P>Keep your chin up and don't give up hope.<P>N

Dear NoMoh, Congratulations on your 7th month in recovery. Just to let you know, my H is still home and hasn't left so I live with his anger and his depression. Since you are in recovery, what was your experience with withdrawal?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Terrified:<BR><B>My H really feels angry and resentful about our relationship and what is wasn't thus leading to the A. He doesn't feel that he can overcome his resentment enough to reconcile. Is this a normal phase of his withdrawal? I feel such a loss when he speaks in these terms so today is not an easy one...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Terrified,<P>My H's anger and resentment was such that it drove him to leave the marriage altogether. We're in the process of divorcing.<P>He left. And then he turned what he 'says' was 'only a friendship' into an affair. I don't have the proof, but I think it started earlier.<P>If H has left the OW and is still at home, you're in a lot better shape than you think. Plan A your butt off!<P>The other thing you might consider..... get him into individual therapy. So he can have an unbiased, nonthreatening person to talk to and help him to sort out his feelings.<P>He has to sort out some of the problems in his head before the two of you can meet with a marriage counselor and make any real progress.<P>In the meantime, it's Plan A for you. Focus on yourself. Sort out your end of the problems. Take care of your part of the problems in the marriage.<P>You can't make him change....he has to be ready to do that on his own. You can change yourself.<P>Good luck,<BR>~Amy

Dear Out of the Fog, Wow, I'm sorry about the divorce. I feel sad because H says he has no choice but to end the marriage. He's still with me but he says that it's not with his heart since his heart is now somewhere else. Any similiar experiences?