I noticed a lot of BS here are facing the OP is a co-worker situstion. <BR>My WH works with the OW in the same office every day. He usually feels so restless on Sunday night, because she is going to give him pressure about why he spend the weekend with me and what he is going to do with me when he go in the office Monday morning. The pressure he facing pushs him in to the seperation or divorce topic every Monday morning with me.<BR>He still want to be with the OW and divorce me, but he is "thinking" right now(according to him)!<BR>What can I do to make him feel better on MONDAY MORNING( he usually acts OK on Sunday night, the worse is Monday morning)? Any ideas? <BR>Some body suggest me a card in the shower( this might work, but sometimes he took a shower the night before)...putting some relaxing music(he watches ESPN first thing in the morning after he wakes up)...cooking a nice breakfast(he only takes 2 meals per day)....breakfast in bed(but,he wakes up at 5:30 am)...Any more ideas, please?

From what I have experienced, Monday mornings are not the time for romance, they are the time to help one another. To reinforce a positive marriage, I would recommend getting up before or with your H, making lunch, putting on a pot of coffee for his travel mug. Watch ESPN with him, buy the paper, make breakfast. Tell him that you hope he has a good day. Give him positive messages, but don't make demands.<BR>Monday night strikes me as the time to put on some candles, relaxing music, cuddle.<BR>Might work-I know my fiance appreciates this approach immensely, more than the cards and flowers that make women feel appreciated.<BR>Robyn

Thank you Robyn,<BR>I think I will try the Breakfast and papper idea( got to find a place opens at 5am soon), Thank you!<BR>As far as the making lunch idea, he won't go for it! Without spending the weekend with the OW, he is dieing to have lunch with her Monday(sad). But, it won't hurt to try I guess. <P>TTL2

I just thought of one...<P>How about sending a treat with him to work? Sometimes I have baked a pie or cookies or cake and sent them with my husband to share at work.... Makes husband feel good and everyone compliments him ON HIS WIFE....<P>Maybe do something different each Monday? <P>And, what is wrong with sending your husband a lunch on Mondays? Fried Chicken is a great treat that my husband can't put down.... He may not eat the lunch at lunch time, but when he does "nibble" (as many will do on the way home from work or on the way to work) he will be thinking of you, at least "subconsciously"....<P>Any other ideas out there?

Hi again trying:<P>I think it is right to stay as positive and included in your H's life as you can. You seem to understand the principles of Plan A. However, do remember that Plan A is supposed to be tried for a set period of time that you decide. You do not need to endure the state you are in forever. As you continue with your Plan, remember that you are strong, worthwhile and worth being with. Don't lose sight of that fact. <BR>About the 5 a.m. thing....maybe you can get the paper delivered? <BR>I have a friend who used to leave a Post-it note on the door each morning as his wife left for work. The topic varied - love, sex, sports, weather, a joke...but it was always there.<BR>If he continues to bring up D, don't react to what he says, just listen. If he wants a fight Monday morning, don't give him one. If OW is pressuring him, don't you do the same thing. Stay strong.<BR>Smiles,<BR>Robyn

Thanks for your suggestions. It's very helpful.<BR>The post-it note thing I did it for couple of weeks right after the D-day, but give it up(I sometimes put it in the lunch box for him). I will start doing it again. <BR>The fried chicken sounds good...I will have to check my cooking book.<BR>Last night I asked him if that's OK for me to pack him lunch for today. He did accept it. Thanks for your suggestion/encouragement.<BR>About the pie....I did thought of that couple weeks ago, but did not do it. Since the OW working in the same office with my H and some of their co-workers do know about the A,I am afraid that will make her think I am chanllenging her(my WH will hate me if I do anything to make her unhappy). I think I might hold it off till I have more bargain power.<P>TTL2

Quote:<P>I am afraid that will make her think I am chanllenging her(my WH will hate me if I do anything to make her unhappy).<P>Be matter of fact. State that, "I pack lunches for my family in the morning. It's available. Your choice." That way, he has the power to accept the lunch or not, so you cannot be "doing anything" to make her upset. The ball is in his court.<BR>Realize that if he is willing to take a lunch to work that she will see it, so he is ackowledging you by doing so.<P>Similarly, it is his choice to spend his weekends with you. If he tells you she is upset, well, that's his issue to deal with, because he made the choice.<P>Hopefully he will continue to make good choices .<P>Perhaps it might be suitable for you to invite him to join you at a planned activity. MB is right - this is a great way to make love bank deposits. Keep it light - baseball, walkeing, go for ice-cream, etc. Don't talk about anyting controversial. See if he will talk to you about other parts of his life.<P>Good luck!<P>Robyn<BR>

Although I am new to all this, my pastor's suggestions are really beginning to make alot of sense, and the cool part is that they line up with Dr. Harley's ideas. Make him feel as comfortable as possible when he is home, make this the place he WANTS to be, not the place he feels he has to be. For me, the biggest changes have occurred for me, because in retrospect I realized how out of sync I was with my marriage. Now, this may not apply to you at all, but I can truly tell you that I was a big factor in the problems that my marriage is suffering through currently. I do not know for sure that my H had been unfaithful, but I know that if he has been it would be with someone from his office, because they all adore him. Now, I am letting him know constantly that he is what I cherish more than anything else on this earth, he is my treasure. I am trying to carry myself with more self-confidence, and I am making sure that I look my best 24/7. Put this situation in God's hands, pray daily for your husband and rebuke any evil force that would come against your marriage during the day. Take authority over the situation and don't let it rule you. Good luck and God bless!

some good suggetions here.<P>WE got a wonderful bood "1001 Ways to be Romantic" by Gegory Godek.m Some of the things in it are very romantic, some are just good sweet things to do.<P>My H (WS) and I have read most of it together. We now keep it on a table in our bedroom. Once in a while one of us will look through it. Example.. One evening after work, when I'd had a really bad day because of dealing with the knowledge of my H's affairs. Whe drew me a hot bath, brought us a glass of wine, lit a candle. Then told the kids "mom's had a really bad day. Let's be really nice to her. He then cooked dinner and fed them while I soaked. Felt much better when I got out. And he and I then sat down to a private dinner without the children. Talk about building up the love units.<P>It's a wonderful, fun book.<P>Good luck. My heart goes out to you. You must be a very strong woman.<P>E