I feel so alone. I really dont know what to do. I have tried everything. counseling, anti-depressants, hobbies, etc. Yet it doesnt help. Even being around my friends still gives me a lonely feeling.<BR>I havent talked to my STBX in month, and our 2 yr anniversary is in 5 days. <BR>I really dont know if she is with the OM, last i heard he was not talking to her cause he was trying to work on his marriage. But everything i think about her I think that she is happy and it doesnt really bother her that she will never see me again. And that KILLS me.<BR>The wildest thing is.. i have had a few women interested in me, and call me, and want to go out. Yet i feel so strange talking to them. To be honest i really dont know what to say. And i feel like all i have to talk about it my failed marriage.<BR>The thought of being with someone other than my wife, makes me ill. And it is worse to think that it doesnt bother her to be with someone else.<BR>The closer i get to my anniversary the worse i feel. <BR> <BR><P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

I am so sorry for your pain right now Bioman.<P>I know that with me and my H, after understanding the concepts here, I realize that he fulfills so many of my EN's. Not talking to him for even a day or two is devastating to me! I can't imagine having to go an entire month!<P>Take care, and keep on posting your feelings here, it should help you in some way.<P>Karen<BR><P>------------------<BR>Empathy is such a wonderful thing, but in situations like this, it's a shame we know how.

I'm no expert, but I read this and think there but for the grace of God go I. I feel so sorry for you, I understand completely the pain and the loneliness you are going through, and I think you are a great person for still loving your wife so, and completely normal. You are obviously not ready for the divorce let alone dating, don't push it. There is no law that says you have to date if it makes you feel uncomfortable. In fact I think it makes you the better person for not breaking your vows.<P>On a side note, if wife is not seeing OM and you really do seem to still want marriage, if you do talk to her don't be pushy, but be nice, be open, show her you care, that you are still waiting and hoping for her return, be patient and kind and glad to talk to her. Call her your wife, talk to her as if she never left, or might be coming home after work. It worked and brought my husband home to me. (I didn't know about this site then either, just did it natural)<P>The biggest thing that brought him home to me in all honesty though was prayer. Leaving it in God's hands and asking him for help daily does work. In fact my husband even said to me exactly the words I had prayed one time I would hear him say when he called and asked if he could come home. Miracles do happen, all the time.<P>Also I know from my first marriage, I was real young and I messed up that marriage, and I was the one who left, that it's easy to feel like you would never be accepted or wanted to come back to the marriage after you have left. That your spouse at home must've felt as unhappy as you did and maybe doesn't even love you. Make an effort to reach out to her for your anniversary and let her know how you feel and that you still consider her your wife. Just be prepared that it might take time, and might not even work at all, but don't give up until you are forced to sign the final divorce decree if you want her back! Life is just to short.<BR>

Bioman:<P>It's too bad their is no magic pill to take...perhaps some memory eraser.<P>If you haven't tried exercise try it. Walk, run, bike swim...it has helped me a lot and made me feel better about myself, which is all we truly can control. <P>I feel your pain and wish you well. It's not much consolation but you aren't alone. <BR>