Well, I had written here a couple of weeks ago because my ex, who lives two hours away, was calling (for almost 2 months), literally crying, promising me anything and everything, begging me to go back to him. We've been apart for a year, divorced since last February and in March he started calling me (never tried before). He was reeling me in and I had sincere hopes that maybe we would reconcile successfully.<P>Last Saturday morning I guess I had an intuition and called him at 1 a.m. on impulse. In the last two months, I'd never called, let him do all the calling. Well, I could tell there was something wrong as soon as I started talking to him. It turns out he has been seeing OW (or maybe now I'M the OW?) since December (after he'd told me he was seeing no one else since December, he was committed to me only now and he wouldn't give up, he wanted me back). Fortunately, I had had no physical contact with him since we parted last May. I told him he must have some feelings for this woman (I know, stupid thing to say) if he'd been seeing her since December and he said, "Yes, I do". All this when just up until the week before, he was crying and begging, promising me the world.<P>So, here I go through the whole pain and recovery process again. I just don't understand how a person can do this to another person, be so cruel and heartless. Why didn't he just leave me alone as he had been?<P>My question is how the rest of you feel about this: I realized today, when I read a prayer about God taking care of wrongs in His own way and own time, that I don't want my ex to be punished and hurt. I don't want him to feel the way I feel right now because it's horrible. He's experienced this type of deception and pain before with the woman he lived with before he married me. Is there something wrong with me? Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely no way I will ever go back, no matter what. It's over and that is MY choice. I do not want to live always wondering what is going on with him and someone else when I'm not around.<P>I just wonder what you all think.

Dear D,<P>This is hard. How to tell the difference between sincere and insincere tears. Do you have any idea why he was doing this while seeing the OW? <P>Since we can't read minds and distance makes it difficult to tell by his eyes or whatever method works for you knowing if he is telling the truth or lying, then you have to rely on your own intutition (sp?). <P>What reason would he have for getting you back? Financial? Emotional Support? Is he scared of something with OW? Is he looking for a way to leave OW? <P>What is making him tick???? Have you tried a phone counseling session with Steve or Jennifer? Plan a or b might help. They can even help you do a letter.<P>He is confusing you and you don't want to be confused. That part makes sense. However, it is still making your head spin. You still have feelings for this person. You are not a bad person for feeling that way. Now check out some of the questionnaires on this site, read Suriving an A, HisNeeds/HerNeedss these are books sold at your local bookstore or from this site. <P>We have all dealt with the confusion and fog issues. Pretty routine after a while. You'd be surprised how similar your account can be to some here. Read, post and apply what you can. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.

Displaced:<P>You have said that you don't want to reconcile. If that is really true, and what would make you most happy, I suggest you need some distance from your X. I have no idea why he may be doing the things he is doing...you may never end up really finding out. If it's move on, then move on.<P>If you want to reconcile with him, then yes, seek help and very best of luck. You know you are supported here.<BR>

I have no idea what his motives were. We were divorced in February so there any financial matters were settled. In fact, while we were talking (starting the reconciliation process) he was sending me more money than the spousal maintenance to help me get caught up on the bills we accumulated together and that were in my name. As I said earlier, he never made one attempt to get me to stay after I found out about his infidelity last year and then, BOOM, out of nowhere he starts calling. Now that I caught him again, he's conceding again. He doesn't like confrontation but I wish I could understand his motives. The only thing I come up with is he liked the thrill of the chase and the certainty of having at least one of us. Who knows, maybe there are more.<P>Anyway, I appreciate your input. It really invaluable to me that people actually care and take the time to respond.