I'll start with the good----my H has gotten a different job, and will no longer be working with the OW!!! YEAHHHHHHH! It's been in the works for awhile, and he had second thoughts, but accepted the job this week. He is really excited, but also nervous, about it. It is a great position with a company that you've all heard of. Great benefits, salary, etc. Another positive, is that he will be traveling less and working from home quite a bit. All in all, I am ecstatic about this. I truly believe in Harley's theory that it is very important that they not work together. I know it works for some, but it didn't for us. It will provide a total and complete break from them seeing each other 10 hours a day.<P>Things have been going pretty well at home. He is in good spirits, wanting to do things with me, interested in doing things around the house, has been helpful, etc. I truly saw a new person emerge when the new job came about. I have to wonder if he realizes that this is the only way that he can sever the relationship and is relieved that will finally be happening. <P><BR>The bad---she still contacts him regularly via cell phone. He did a no contact letter back in February, but she refuses to abide by it and still calls frequently. Because he is her supervisor, he cannot completely ignore her calls, because if they are work related, he would be in trouble if he didn't take her calls. He is usually honest with me if I ask if there's been communication. I asked if it was going to stop once he began his new job, and his reply was "yes, it has to". He has said that he will block her numbers on his cell phone, email addresses, etc. <P>Ok, now for the interesting. H was out with his boss about a week ago, and his boss (a male) was telling him about major problems in his marriage. His boss did not come in to work yesterday, and H deduced that he moved out of his house. His boss had also eluded to another male coworker that he suspected his wife of having an affair. What was mind boggling is how H reacted to this. He was obviously worried about his boss, said things like "18 years, they've been together 18 years and now this", and "he is so distraught". My jaw about dropped---I'm thinking, yeah, and we've been together 10 years and you were willing to throw that all way for a fantasy life and, duh, it is completely devastating. It's hard to describe, but just the way he was talking about the situation was very strange for someone still basically doing the same thing. I am really hoping that this will be a real eye opener for him in how devastating this is to the BS. We shall see.....

<P>WAT

As for the good, let me say how happy I am for you. <P>As for the bad, (again let me be so bold as to look at it with the "glass-is-half-full" scenario) if he is being honest with you about the communications, even that is GOOD. He could be lying to you about them. Focus on the fact that he will soon have another job and will not be required to take her phone calls anymore. FOCUS ON THE GOOD!<P>As for the interesting, isn't the irony of what they say sickening. My W recently told me that she is filing for divorce because she can't trust ME to not try and take everything away from HER. What the H*ll does she think she has done with her A, which she continues to deny (you know we're just friends, but I'm leaving you)<P>lotsa luck<BR>dave<BR>(S&C)<p>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited May 11, 2001).]

=<p>[This message has been edited by GraceLeigh (edited June 01, 2001).]

To S&C - we have more in common than our real names. I fully expect to get a similar reason if/when my W files. Or maybe it could be for "irreconcilable" differences - yea, we couldn't agree that she was having an affair.<P>Dave (WAT)

Hurting,<P>GREEEAT!<P>So, it's a different Company altogether?<P>Duh is right, maybe he does see it. Men often feel much more than they share...And as you said, it can only help for him to see it from the other side.<P>We're sort of trying to keep up with life right now. But we've realized we must make it happen; not let it happen TO us. So we are both being active in making what we want in our marriage, our kids, and now my new business. I let life happen to me for too long. Oops, I'm rambling on your thread...

Thanks for all of the replies!!!<P>OMG---my H just called. He gave his resignation to his boss today and found out that his current employer is trying to tell him that he cannot go to work for the new company, per the contract between the two companies. Now, the new employer was very careful in the way that this was negotiated because of their current vendor/client relationship. There was great pains taken to make sure that things went according to a very specific plan. And now, this. I am on pins and needles hoping that his current employer is just trying to scare him out of leaving, and that this isn't true. I find it hard to believe that the way that this was handled that this can be true. Please say a prayer that this doesn't fall through....<P><BR>WAT---as always, thanks!<P>S&C---yes, I am focusing on the positive, although it sure is hard sometimes.....hook up with the other Dave---maybe he can help shed some light on the actions of your W.<P>Grace---yes, I sometimes do feel the reactions to things as well. Not as strong as I'd like to, because sometimes I still wonder how much he realizes what he's done, but still no remorse or "I'm sorry". <P>Great to hear from you Schizzo---I've been wondering where you've been hiding out! I'm glad to hear things are still getting better for you and your H. It's wonderful that you both have committed to making your marriage work, for the long haul!! As for letting life happen to me, I'm working to try to make things happen for myself, too. Now, do tell me about your new business....

J - I bet it's a knee jerk reaction to his resignation. They are jumping to conclusions that this wasn't anticipated.<P>Hope you don't have to worry all weekend!<P>Dave

Hurting,<P>Interesting reaction to his bosses' situation. Maybe this will be his break-through and he'll see things crystal clear again! Maybe the sun is finally breaking up the fog for good. Amen!<P>I think you are right about the no contact thing. I don't see my nightmare ever ending as long as OW is secretary for H and the CEO of company. H may be here but his heart is with OW no matter how much Plan A I do. The deposits just never seem to register in his love bank.<P>Have a great Mother's Day! Give me a call when you're ready to start planting. Unlike OW, I do dirt!

prayers being said!!<P>dave

I don't know Dave, he had informed his boss about a week ago that he was going to be getting an offer from them. Either they didn't take him seriously, or were holding the trump card. If this is hanging over my head all weekend, I'll be crazy by Monday morning.....<P>Aries, it's pretty cloudy today, I don't know if the fog has lifted yet, or not. See my update, who knows now....As soon as I get that landscape blueprint back, I'll be letting you know. I'm sure lots of digging in the dirt will make both of us feel better!!! And with as much landscaping as we need to do, we'll be feeling pretty damn good all summer!! And then, of course, Oberweis will be calling our names

Dear Hurtingnil,<P>Great to hear good news. Yes, those OWs are a stubborn lot. Say they will stop contact, say they will let the WS go and then endless calls. Let's see who has been getting more calls? Mine is up to 27 voicemails, at least 3 phone calls (I just found out about the last one yesterday) and 2 e-mails since 4/29/01. Hm..... Now she is attempting 'blackmail'. <P>Oh well, smile in the face of adversity. <P>Have a nice weekend!<P>L.<BR>