I suspect my husband had an affair. Saw a gift that I didn't get in home office here. He for 5 months has said he knows nothing about it and I just thought I saw it etc. He is a good man but I know he is lying. We talk and talk but go round and round. I know he wants me and marrige. The OW is someone who lives thousands of miles away. She worked for him l0 yrs ago and I think they see each other when she comes to our state to see family. Its not a monthly or even weekly affair. Just few times a year. I know if he had an affair it would be for sex only, he has said that in past in jest. Until recently we didn't have a good sex life at all and I take the blame for that and the way our marriage became conplacent. I understand his need for sex and to be appreciated so can forgive affair. Its the lying about it. He is feeling quilty I can tell and being bothered by all the mess. He knows I don't trust him and this tears him up and also gets him mad.We are working at our relationship and if only he would confess it would be perfect. Our sex life and other aspects are like we both always wanted we just have this "denial from him standing in the way and put a cloud on things. Any ideas how to get him to tell or what i should do to go on .I have trouble letting it drop. thanks

Chardondeere,<P>My first thought would be to say to him exactly what you have said here. Then explain to him that you feel that him holding something back and the guilt it "may" cause him is worse, than the two of you looking at it, examining it, and making your marriage together better for it, whatever it is.<P>My guess is that he is a good friend of the woman. That at one point something may have gone too far, if anything did. But his biggest fear is that you will forbid him from seeing, or talking to her when she comes into the state.<P>The allure here may be just the "occasional" aspect of it.<P>In any event talk with him, tell him what you want to say, and then go to Plan A. Drop the subject. You have one data point, and if you and he are drawing closer together, then this OW will not be a threat. Further, as you two grow closer together he may feel safe enough to open up, if indeed he feels a lot of guilt.<P>Finally, realize you don't "know" that the gift was meant for this woman. You "know" you saw something and he is saying he didn't get a gift for anyone. There are other explanations, but are probably far fetched. Nevertheless, keep you eyes open, but quit accusing him. You may be constructing a scenario far worse than actually exists. Or you may be right.<P>In either case, building a better marriage, and closer marriage is a good thing no matter what has gone on in the past.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

To just learning, Your reply was just what I needed. Hes a decent good man and has been a very good husband to me all these years. Wish I would have been a better wife in some ways.I was good in many aspects but not in ones I mentioned. Thanks

Chard,<P>Just don't fog yourself. You know what you know. Sometimes these things take a long time to come out. I had suspicions for years, but would fog myself sometimes into believing anything. Even when W was out til 6 AM!!! Use Plan A principles. Be good to him and keep your eyes open eek:<P>Good Luck and God Bless<BR>Invictus