I was talking to my H the other day and mentioned to him that every marriage I know of that has been effected by an affair, there is reconciliation or the WS is with the OP.<P>I find it extremely interesting that none of the WS ended up alone. <P>In my case I was the only person who ended up alone (during our separation) because OW went back to her H and waffled back and forth between her H and mine for three months, when she was away H would be here with us until she was available (she would call here and tell him she was coming over) and then he would leave to be with her, during which time I was totally alone, no phone calls no emails, no visits nothing until she tired of playing mistress and went home.<P>She reconciled and we reconciled and no one is alone now.I have a couple of friends that had affairs and ended up with their affair partner and they are still together however I know should it end there spouses would take them back.<P>How many individuals here know a WS that ended up alone?<P>It seems very sad to me that the BS ends up alone, when they usually did nothing to hurt anybody.<BR>

I think that's why there is so much emphasis on how it's "not fair" for those of us who are the BS, because it's not.<P>It really makes me angry/sad/frustrated/ashamed.. you name the emotion (aside from happiness).. that it almost seems like no matter what the WS chooses to do, they will somehow be happier. Oh, I know, we read about those WS's who suddenly come out of the fog and realize how horrible they were.. but because of my own situation with my H (WS)at present, I can't help but think that some of them will never be capable of feeling bad.<P>But, on the flipside, for those who have had success in Harley's concepts, apparently it's all worth it. I still hope I can be one of them. But I'm afraid I've got quite a long journey before I'll find out.<P>Off topic I go again! lol. I'm not one who knows of any WS's who have been left alone after all is said and done. It is a very interesting point you have made though. Again, it's just not fair, is it?<P>Karen<BR>

Karen:<BR>Boy you hit the nail on the head with me too.<P>I have said many times that it seems like they (WS) are free to do whatever they want. My H choose to have an affair and then choose to leave me when they got caught (in spite of me begging him to stay) then choose to come home when that relationship did not work out. It is like nothing happened to him due to his decision to be unfaithful, he got to cheat, he got to leave, he got to live with her, he got to come home.<P>I, on the other hand had no control of my life anymore. I could not stop him from cheating (because I did not know) I could not stop him from leaving (because his mind was made up) I could not stop him from having her in my home (because I had to move due to finances and he nor she seemed to care that it was my home) I could not say no when he said I want to come home. <P>Then I told him if he ever saw her again I would divorce him (caught them together six weeks later) and still took him back. <P>So he was allowed (by me mostly) to do whatever he felt like doing and there was no consequence to him whatsoever.<BR>Have an affair, end the affair, come home and be happier than ever. <P>I on the other hand was forced to become a single mother, move my entire family to a different town (small town - they were staying) have my children change schools, babysitters, lose friends, and be alone night after night crying. And now the rules are to not talk about it, don't fight about it, don't contact her about it just carry on like nothing happened.<P>There is no justice.

Hi Mrs.Axxeman<BR>It sounds like you're on a downslide in the roller coaster of recovery.I hope that in time you can get past this.<BR>I know a man who had an A on his common-law wife, ended up leaving her and marrying the OW. They stayed married for 5 or 6 rocky years. They were recently divorced. He is now alone.I guess it does happen.<BR>BTW, not much change in my situation.<BR>Take care!

Mraxxeman Did I read this right? You and your kids moved out of your home so HE could live there with OW? What is this?<P>------------------<BR>Marry

gottruth:<BR>Yup that is what happened. Here is the story, we lived on an acreage that we hated, we finally sold it and moved to town. We rented an apartment until spring and then we were going to buy our bungalow on a nice old street in town. This was in October 98 (he met her in Sept 98) and they were PA by the end of October. Interestingly her and her husband bought a house at the end of October as well.<P>January comes and she gets caught and kicked out, my H left to be with her and they rented on of those cheap monthly rental hotel rooms (romantically it was the same one they rented by the hour for the past three months). He told me to take half the money and buy the bungalow for me nad the kids and they would move into the apartment (it was leased). I begged him not to live in the same town as us but he and her had decided it was best. So in my broken hearted state I bought a home and moved myself and children in. He rented movers for us, and helped with the move (you know get me out of there faster) - she waited in her car for me to move out, was in there before my van left the parking lot. <P>They were finished by the end of March 99 - had moved in the beginning of Febraury so that was a laugh.<P>But once again it is choices that I had no control over. she went back to her husband and he came back to me, and that brings me to my post regarding how it all ends. I really truely don't know any WS they ended up alone but I do some BS. <P>How about you - what is your story?<p>[This message has been edited by mrsaxxeman (edited May 15, 2001).]

I have never seen a male WS end up alone, at least not right away. If the marriage ends he usually stays with the OW for awhile, transitions and then either chooses to be alone for awhile or moves on to the next woman.<P>I have however seen lots of MW get dumped by their OM as soon as the MW leaves her H.