It's almost 3:30 in the morning and I can't fall asleep. Not that its anything new these days. Got of the phone with my W about 3 hours ago. She admitted that OM was in town on suspected weekend in March. She admits that she loves him. I asked her if OM was moving down here and she said no. I asked her if she is going to divorce me (which she has said she is going to do on numerous ocassions). She said that she didn't know. I asked her why she did not know, and she replied, "because of my children." Anymore I just don't know how to interpret anything. Is this good or bad? <P>I am going to pick her up at the airport tomorrow with the kids. She told me that if I say anything to her in front of the kids that she will call a taxi.<P>Am I still letting her pull all my strings? She seems to know all the tactics that get to me. Just when I think I am starting to feel better, she seems to know and say things that upset me.<P>now as much as ever I'm<BR>sadandconfused

I always just tried to focus on myself, I tried to stop figuring out what she was doing and what was in her mind. I have found that the more I let go of her the better off I am. Letting go doesn't mean you can't work things out with her, it just means that you acept what she is doing and understand that it is her doing and not yours.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by sadandconfused:<BR><B>It's almost 3:30 in the morning and I can't fall asleep. Not that its anything new these days. Got of the phone with my W about 3 hours ago. She admitted that OM was in town on suspected weekend in March. She admits that she loves him. I asked her if OM was moving down here and she said no. I asked her if she is going to divorce me (which she has said she is going to do on numerous ocassions). She said that she didn't know. I asked her why she did not know, and she replied, "because of my children." Anymore I just don't know how to interpret anything. Is this good or bad? <P>I am going to pick her up at the airport tomorrow with the kids. She told me that if I say anything to her in front of the kids that she will call a taxi.<P>Am I still letting her pull all my strings? She seems to know all the tactics that get to me. Just when I think I am starting to feel better, she seems to know and say things that upset me.<P>now as much as ever I'm<BR>sadandconfused</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

sadandconfused:<P>I am so sorry that you have had a sleepless night. I thought I saw you here when I was posting at around 2:30 am. I should have said hello. The "shouldas" always get ya, don't they? <P>I think the fact that she "doesn't know" about divorce, even if it is "because of the children" is a good thing. That gives you chances to put love units in the love bank. And not mentioning it in front of the children is a good start. If nothing else, mentioning it in front of them would take love units out...<P>Remember the good times you've had with your wife. Remember that she is not herself these days. You're doing okay.<P>All the best.<BR>--HBC<BR>

S&C - I agree with jabber and HBC. I was at this same point myself - wife admitted to being "in love" with OM (but it still wasn't an affair ).<P>If your wife follows the extended plan script, be on the lookout next for the trial separation, "just to sort things out." I hope you can avoid this - can't remember if you've mentioned it already.<P>Hang in there - this is supposed to be confusing.<P>Dave (WAT)

WAT,<P>I'm already there. The separation that is.

Dear S&C,<P>She went from I will divorce you to "I don't know". Hmmm... bit of waffling there, but in the right direction. So this could be interpreted as postive direction. But don't jump up and down yet. She sounds very vulnerable. <P>The ice is thin at this point and being a woman, she may know how to manipulate you but making you feel guilty about asking her anything. <P>So from a woman, try this one: While you are having a private conversation, ask her what does she mean by being in love with OM? What does love mean to her?<P>Listen to her explanation. If she accuses you of being sarcastic, say NO. But you feel that you may have different definitions of that word and before, you say to her "I love you". You are going to want to know how will defines that word. In H's case, that word meant a 'feeling'. That's it. Well no wonder there was no communication. For me love is an action word yet for H it was just a 'feeling'. OW was doing a lot of feeling, so H thought he had found the right one. Hm.....<P>Hard as it seems, you need your rest. You may be running on adrenaline for now but soon your body will revolt. I ran that way for about 3 1/2 months. 2 hours a night or less. Repeating nightmares, anxiety attacks and more. <P>Eventually they subsided. I had to learn to keep things in perspective. I had to learn to rely on me and keep myself healthy because there was a little boy who was dependant on me. <P>What I learned was to control what I had control over. H needed to take care of himself out there where he took himself. Hm.... hard to do but worth the effort. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Dear Sad&Confused - I'm so sorry you're having bad nights, I keep having them too - nights where my brain won't switch off and the whole mess keeps going round and round in my head all night, what I said, What he said, what I said again - analysing everything, It's horrible, I hate it!!!<P>I've found that taking over-the counter sleep-aids helps, and also having a nice bath before I go to bed. I also have a relaxing CD playing on very, very low volume to 'lullaby' me to sleep. Sleep is one of the most important things right now - you desperately need to rest to keep your strength up for the days ahead, so ANYTHING you can do to help yourself - even if it's going to the doctor for stronger sleeping tablets - is a good thing. Don't be embarrassed about taking them, sleep is vital for the health of your mind as well as your body. Things seem 100x worse when we're tired, right? so be kind to yourself and do something positive about it <P>hugs, Paint