It's been just over a week since I discovered that my wife was having an affair. The affair had lasted 6 years before I discovered it (although, in retrospect, I can see that she's sort of tried to help me find out). The OM, a former coworker of hers, has gotten married during that time (was already divorced, got another woman pregnant while fooling around with my wife, and then married that woman). My wife was just 22 when it started and we'd just had our first child (OM was 32).<P>During the time that the affair had been going on I believe that she loved me and cared for me. We had a rich sex live during the entire time, being quite experimental (both of us) and oriented towards mutual satisfaction. While my initial reaction was that the past years were just one huge lie I know that not to be true. I hate the idea that should could love another as well as me (she is, in every way, my one and only) but that appears to be the case.<P>I've learned a lot from this site and am making changes in how I act towards her, attempting to meet the needs the OM was fulfilling (I had started to make changes about 6 months ago when I stopped just acting like a Christian and actually became one). A lot of my mistakes are painfully obvious now. I only wish they'd become so earlier on.<P>She has agreed to break it off and sent him a letter to that effect the very morning after I discovered it (a torn up hotel receipt in her bag). I guess I'm pretty disappointed that it didn't die on its own, especially considering that the guy moved 3 hours away 3 years ago. On the bright side, I know they didn't have significant physical involvement over those last 3 years and perhaps the distance helped the affair survive.<P>I'm interested in hearing from survivors of long term affairs to see how you've coped and what thoughts/support you might have for me. As a Christian I am depending on God but the fact is that I don't really have any close friends other than my wife and I'm afraid I'm overbombarding her with my need for support (in spite of being hurt by her she's still my only close support). I don't want to tell family because I still love my wife dearly and don't want others to judge her, particularly not my family. I also don't want anyone to make the connection between my 4 year old daughter and the affair (although that is secondary, at this point - I also love both my daughters and know that the youngest is mine in the truest sense).<P>Thanks,<P>Roy
