My H was subpoenaed for court last week as a witness in OW's divorce. Her H hired an investigator and has evidence of their affair. She has not admitted the A to her H. The divorce case was continued pending my H's phone records being received. OW's attorney has advised her no contact with my H until after the court date, which is in July. I don't think they will actually do no contact, but it will be limited and they will be very careful.<P>So, my question- should I continue to Plan A to the hilt during this time? Or should I detach for a while? In the past, when they were not communicating much, my H increased his communication with me. He is really trying to re-connect with the kids, so I should have ample opportunity to Plan A. But, I'm wondering if I detach some right now, so that he doesn't have either of us, if that will help him come to decision?<P>What do you think?

I think that the Harley answer is to Plan A to the hilt, and use this as an opportunity to meet any ENs possible. The combination of Plan A, and the sudden revelation that things are more complicated than they thought .... might have an impact.<P>If you've been Plan Aing all along, now that the going might get rough for them, I'd say now isn't the time to start detaching. I understand the temptation fully, but I think Plan A is the answer. These bumps in the road for the lovers are what we want to happen.<P>Lets see what others think. Keep us posted.

Cloudy,<BR>I think it is a good time to continue your plan-A. He is in a middle of a mess right now, make him feel safe and welcome at home is going to help!<BR>I also wonder why OW's attorney advised her no contact with your H till the court day? If you can exlpain it to me.<BR>My H suddendly reduced the contact with the OW last week. Your post makes me think it might have something to do with the OW's divorce case. <BR>I do not think her H know about the A, or may be he knew that's why their D has been dragging on for so long. It will really help if you can give me some more info on it. As long as there is some thing I can do to stall her D is going to help my marriage a little(she has been putting a lot of pressure on my H to divorce me right now, after her D is finial she is going to have more power to bargain and kick me out). <BR>Good luck to you. One day at a time, right?<P>TTL2

I talked to the investigator today. It seems that the OW's divorce was granted, but evidence will be heard in July to determine property settlement, child custody and child support. This is definitely not what my H told me- I don't know if he misunderstood or if the OW lied to him or if he lied to me.<P>As best I can tell, OW's attorney advised no contact because her H is after custody of their children. My H and OW's main communication is via cell phone. Easily documentable- and the investigator has both numbers. So, I think the plan is to show the times that this communication took place and show that it interferred with her ability to supervise her kids. Also, since my H was subpoenaed, they know about the affair and I guess don't want mounting evidence, but I'm not really sure. Or, maybe OW is really stupid and is planning on denying the A. And speaking of stupid, she refuses to talk on the home phone because she is afraid her H has the line tapped- so, instead, she insists on using cell phones, which shows the number called, the time, and how long the call lasted. And it is kind of hard to have a secret phone call with your lover at 7 or 7:30 pm for 30 to 60 minutes every night and properly care for a 7 year old. Especially since she started working and only has from about 5 to 8:30 with her kids on week nights.<P>Anyway, I don't know if it's good or bad, but he is definitely thinking. How embarrassing it must be to have to go to court and be on the witness stand, talking about an affair in front of OW's H and oldest daughter and neighbors and relatives. I personally would be mortified. And I do know that he has said several times that he knows what he did is wrong. Now I'm waiting for him to try to make it right.<P>So, Plan A continues.