I am 3 months past d-day and been to hell and back again. My H confessed his affair on Valentines day morning when I confronted him. Since then he's vacillated back and forth, moved out for 3 wks, wanted to reconcile -moved back in, secretly continued contact, filed for divorce secretly on me when OW insisted that he do it, cancelled the divorce papers, quit therapy, restarted therapy, says he's fallen out of love with me, then cries and says he DOES still love me when he brings up divorce again and we talk about that. He's now living at home but physically and emotionally distant. I think I am really struggling with the fact now that no matter WHAT happens, the security of my marriage is gone forever. I used to feel secure waking up each morning in my 15 yr marriage knowing that no matter what problems we faced that day I could trust and count on my husband and that we were faithful and loved each other. Now I will no longer have that. It makes me so sad. Do any of you feel this way? I think the only thing that has gotten me thru so far is my strong faith in God and the help of my Christian friends. lifeismessy

Hello Lifeismessy,<P>Your story sounds so similar to mine. I too went through the same type of trauma with my H of 18 years. Does the security ever come back? If you read threads by some wise oldtimers like HGBrawner you will feel hope that your marriage can be restored and can even be better. <P>My H and I are in our 7th month of recovery. Day by day it does get better especially when they are coming out of the addiction. The pain and shock of the betrayal will be with you for a long time but do not let it consume you and destroy what is left of your marriage. Read everything you can on this board-the words are wise and will help. Keep posting and you will be helped by many wonderful people. Your faith will get you through this-God picked me up and carried me when I did not think I could go on any longer. God bless you.

Lifeismessy,<BR>I know it can feel like your marriage is ruined forever, but that actually isn't true. Your life & marriage have hit a terrible rough patch and may not go as you planned.<P>I have felt like you, went through 7 separations, 14 out of 21 months. I wasn't sure I would survive, much less that my marriage would. We've been back together now a year, and I had a wonderful day yesterday with my husband and children...no bad shadows hanging. I had to re-focus a few times because I have had 3 rather miserable Mother's Days...but I kept my view positive and we all had a good day.<P>And that is my best advice to you. Lean on your faith, your Christian friends, set your path to do what God asks of you. Read 1 Peter 3...the wife/husband chapter.<P>Find a good Christian counselor, or use Steve Harley from this site for phone counseling. Go without your H if he won't go. It is very difficult to deal with a spouse that stays on the fence, neither committing to you or to leaving the marriage, being in limbo, bouncing back and forth. I really recommend having someone to help you through this. And these boards are a lifesaver.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8