Couple of financial issues. First, found out yesterday that wife took the mower and whipper snipper when she moved. First thought was to tell her we are sharing it, but that isn't feasible, so I just have to buy one. Given that she didn't take any big stuff, I can live with the mower. Was just surprised, but I'll just buy one. Her response was "you got the barbecue".<P>Second, the coles notes version of our agreement was...I get our house, plus all debts (and there were alot). She gets downpayment and closing costs for her house, no debts, plus support. One of the credit cards was hers, and she stopped using it last November. I paid it off last month as part of my restructuring activities. Found out she used it 3 times just before I paid it off. I should have got the card back in Nov, but didn't.<P>So my dilemma. Do I demand the $150, take it off her monthly support, or give her the bill. She had all the excuses lined up for using it, and said she called to have the bill sent to her. No surprise it arrived at my place.<P>I don't want to mix a support payment (child) with this issue.<P>If I give her the bill, it will probably just sit there unpaid for who knows how long. Given that I'm essentially responsible for paying that off, I rather get it done now. I'm inclined to just pay the bill, and get on with life.<P>So far, I've not raised a stink about little things, and therefore not given her any reason to get her back up about anything. House is now in my name, so things are OK. I expect turbulence after she overspends some more, because who will it affect....kids, and me. But so far, I've managed to refinance so I can stay in my house, paid off most debts, and I'm inclined to not rock the boat over $150. I make more than her.<P>I guess I sometimes look at what this would cost if lawyers were involved, and the one thing I can give her credit for is not altering my life much (not demanding alot and not taking alot of stuff from our house). Yes, she lies all the time, left for another man, denies it, bla bla bla, but it could be worse from a lifestyle standpoint. $100 of the $150 was two shirts she bought from the kids to me, for my birthday. Ironic.<P>What do you think?<P>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited May 14, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited May 14, 2001).]

Personally, I'd pay the $150 and move on.

ditto

Rick - yea, you can absorb $150, but if you do, set the ground rules for future expenses.<P>But, I recommend taking the $150 out of her support. In my arrangement, we have ongoing expenses that are split 50/50 in our separation agreement. Almost exclusively, I pay them all up front and periodically make a summary of what she owes me. She does the same thing and we agree (mostly) on what she owes me. It is never pleasant, but I don't push too much how fast she has to pay me back. Just yesterday I did another that includes taxes and she owes me a bunch. I keep all my records on the computer and I don't let her slide on much. All part of paying the toll.<P>Dave

I'd say pay the bill. But also, get her to sign something that states any future purchases on that particular card from the date of the last purchase you have, are her responsibility. Just a thought.<P>Karen<BR>

Thanks for the quick responses.<P>I should also add that my wife's suggestion at the start was that we split daycare costs. Theoretically, I should pay more than 50% because of my income. I agreed with the 50/50 though, and didn't offer any more, partly because she spends too much on her selfish lifestyle of entertainment and fun. So, no special offers coming from me. However, I know that one day if we do not get back together, I would have to pay more if we went to court.<P>I'd have no choice then, but at this time I just don't want to fund her high level of entertainment. If she ever wants more, she'll have to officially ask.<P>But in any event, this current slant in my favor tends to come into play at times like this, and I just rather handle it and take the issue off the table and focus on other things. That card is now cancelled, so no more damage to be done.

Well, given my situation, I'm not sure my advice is all that great, but if it were me, I'd pay the money, not mention anything, continue as agreed, be pleasant, never mention it. DO YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE? Do you want her? (Is she acting weird, unfair, selfish, blah-blah-blah?) Do you want tit-for-tat? How does God see all of this? I am still going to try to provide for my wife. I will not say, 'Go and be miserable. Hope you fail.' God will turn her heart and mind. I do not want her to suffer at all. I love her. Doormat? Definitely looks that way. Don't expect anything in return. Really. DON'T. I want my marriage to work, too, but right now my wife does not. My pursuing her, and attempts to punish her are Satan's work, not hers, and not mine. I will not go there. I m 'waiting for her.' I made acommittment to God, her, and me that I would NEVER stray from that 'forsaking others', and yet we BOTH have. Having realized that, I AM BACK ON TRACK NOW, she isn't, but God and I are...I will ask, and let Him restore my marriage. I am going to put my ring BACK ON. Then I will sign the divorce papers like she wants. Then I will let God work through both of us. I tried Divorce Busters, and it didn't set well with me for the most part. My mother wants me to refuse to sign, and talked about 'mental cruelty'. It is real easy for me to lash out, and be hurt, and all of that. Taking the high road is uphill. Getting pissy about material things is easy. That's how we got here. I want out of here, so I am trying the right way, not the most expeditious. God will restore my marriage, but I will not continue to make it difficult for Him. (I'm betting that we will ALL appreciate that!) I am praying for all married people, all who are divorced, and any seeking to restore God's will. It is key to His plan for us all. Marriage is the cornerstone of God's plan. Let's listen to Him, and quit being children about this. Give her what she wants, and needs, even if she is being small about it. That will pass. Change the pattern, that's what God is telling me. I'm paying as much of her 'single' debt as I am able. She needs money badly. (So do I, but...I am staying in the house, she is leaving.)

One more thing...read Hosea front to back every day. He bought her out of slavery, clothed her, and took her home. He did not approach her as a husband. She was healed, and approached him. Notice the total lack of confusing symbology in Hosea. Compare it with Revelations, for example. There is a reason for that sort of clarity.