I wanted to thank everyone who wrote the other day and gave me hope for my marriage.<P>My husband has broken off contact with his girlfriend (half willingly) and even told me last night that he does not expect to ever see her again (she is away for a few months living her life and may be back in this area in Sept).<P>The problem is that he is really sad and depressed right now and is really missing her. Given that he does not love me anymore and does not even want me around, it is difficult for me to help him. I want him to let me in and help ease his pain, but it is very difficult because of the situation. It's so hard for me to see him in this much pain (especially when I realize it is over another woman).<P>Now I just want to work on getting him to love me again, but it is difficult when he is just depressed and doesn't want to try to get our marriage to work. He's starting his 3rd shift job and arranging his life so that he can actually make it on his own if he leaves now (I support him while he's in college). I am happy because that makes him feel more secure, but scared because he's planning for it to happen. We're still going to counseling, and I pray this will eventually help, it's just so hard to wait and wonder what's going to happen, especially while he's making all these plans I just have to "go along with".<P>At least I did manage to get him to fill out the Love Busters and Emotional Needs questionnaires. Unfortunately the answer that came back was that he needs affection 7x a day, that I give him plenty of it, but not in the way he likes, and his answer on how to get that was "from someone other than my wife" (meaning his girlfriend).<P>Sigh. Hopefully he will come around. Thanks everyone.<BR>

Keep going - your husband is going through 'withdrawal symptoms', just the same as if he was addicted to a drug (the OW), and then stopped taking it. It's going to be tough the next few weeks, but his pain WILL gradually ease. If you are still living with him, then I think the best thing to do is just try 'invisible support' - i.e. don't try and pressurise him into talking about it, or into 'letting you in', but just be there in the background, quietly cooking nutritious meals, making sure that his basic needs of food, shelter, warmth, clean clothes etc., are being met. From what I've read, this stage will start to ease up in about 4 to 6 weeks. Good Luck, Paint