This is my greatest wish. Oh boy, do I ever wish to hear this from my H:<P>"Hon, I know that I let the XOW intrude in our marriage more than I should have. Now when I think about it, I can see that I was just blinded by her manipulations. I feel like a total creep for defending her to you. That had to hurt. I realize how much pain you must have gone through each time she tried to contact me afterward. I should have told her to go to h*ll, but I didn't, and I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. I'm sorry I didn't do a better job of protecting you from her when she decided to get 'revenge' on us. Can you ever forgive me for that?"<P><BR>(sigh.)<P><BR>belld

(On his knees in front of family and/or friends):<P>"I cannot believe I have put this woman through what I've put her through. I am so sorry for everything she has gone through and so grateful for all that she has done to keep our marriage and family together.<P>I am so sorry for allowing myself to let an intruder disrupt our life together. I deserve not to be trusted. I will work everyday of the rest of our lives to show her that I can be trusted and that I do love her.<P>I will love and honor her as she has me through this ordeal.<BR>I will be a man and show my boys that real relationships take work, that you don't just take the 'easy' way out.<P>I will never be able to do enough to make up for the pain we have gone through. I love you."<P>

I know that every time I hear a car drive down my street, I hold my breath hoping to hear the garage door open. I know that every time the telephone rings I hope that it's him. I know that every night I dream that he comes back and tells me that it's all been a horrible mistake, that he's sorry and he wants to be with me - then I take him in my arms and kiss his tears away and tell him that I love him, I forgive him, and everythings going to be OK. My dreams are so vivid and real. I can feel him, taste him, smell him, hear his voice. The cruellest part of the day is the morning, when I wake up and realise it was all just a dream and I've woken up to the nightmare of reality.

" Last night after the show a beautiful woman started flirting with me. I was flattered for just a second! I stopped her midflirt and told her that I have a beautiful wife and three lovely children at home waiting for me and that I couldn't wait to get home to them. And then I quit the band..." <P>Sigh.

"Wake up, Honey. You were having a really bad nightmare."

Dave, I have been a complete idiot. I can't believe I almost lost you. Where did you ever find the strength to put up with all my B.S.? What can I do to ensure you that this will never happen again. I will never talk to OM again. <P>S&C

Dave, I have been a complete idiot. I can't believe I almost lost you. Where did you ever find the strength to put up with all my B.S.? What can I do to ensure you that this will<BR>never happen again. I will never talk to OM again.<P>WAT

... and yet more ...<P>"Honey, I know something now. I really don't know you as well as I should. I never ask questions about what you think about and what your concerns are. You gave me plenty of chances to get to know the woman I married, and I threw them away because I was too busy trying to be 'one of the boys.' I can understand why you felt unloved and 'second best.' I acted like a total heel! I want to know what *you* like to do. I want to engage in activities that make *you* happy. Tell me - what have you always wanted to do together that I said 'no' to in the past? I don't want to be a little boy anymore - I want to be your husband. I want to make you proud of me."<P>*Slap-slap!* (Waking self up.)<P>belld

I would drop dead if he'd say:<P>"You look gorgeous, let's get a babysitter and go do something fun!!! I will never again sit in my underwear for the entire day, ignoring you while I play on the computer--in fact, let's get rid of the computer because it's so addicting, besides the fact that it's so easy for me to look at pictures of nude women that way. There is more in life to do, baby!"<P>I am being facecious--I don't hope to change my husband, but it would be a huge milestone to get him out of the house once in a while

"I do not find any other women in this world attractive at all. I don't even look at other women. You turn me on so much, I want to make love every day. You are the best thing that has ever come into my life. Let's get re-married doing it the 'right' way."<P>and how about a sincere apology without me asking for it.<BR>

I dream of my wife telling me ...<BR>The OM is gay... LOL<BR> <P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Bioman,<P>That is SO not fair! Here I was about to dedicate my miserable Monday night to being sad and morose. <P>And you went 'n done it, you made me smile. Many lashes with a wet self-help book!<P> <P>belld

belldandy, You sound in so much pain the last few days. What are you going to do? Are you holding out any hope for your marriage or are you leaning toward separation or divorce? I understand how you feel because my H has so many similarities to yours: the verbal abuse, the drugs and alcohol, the continued "fog," or whatever it is, the immaturity and self-centeredness. I just hear so much pain under the anger. Maybe it's what I feel that your posts touch in me. <P>I know how hard it is to suffer through my H's A and months of separation only to have him come home and blame me for what has happened, act disappointed to be here, and defend the OW and worry about her feelings while trashing mine. <P>I know the hurt I feel has made me act in ways that were hurtful to my H and not in my best interest or the best interest of my marriage. This only increases my pain because I blame myself, just as he does. It gets so bad at times that I question my own judgement and perceptions. <P>I bought a bunch of new books. I thought I'd already done the book phase with all the infidelity books but now it's contemplating divorce books, such as Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, et al., and the verbal abuse book you suggested, as well as Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil McGraw, which I've seen recommended here.<P>I'd love to hear the kinds of things from my H that others have mentioned here but it seems so far from reality that it just feels like self-pity to even think along these lines.<P>BTW, remember, my OW was gay... or at least described herself as bisexual...<BR>

Id prolly be happy if H actually called it an affair <BR>9 months and still in denial to what it really was hmmmm big surprise<BR>another thing id like to hear him say....... youre right we need therapy